Mad for Madison

I can no longer say Madison is my favorite city that I've never been to because now I've been there, and I loved it. The magic is in the feel--it's relaxed, progressive, and green, and the people are nice nice nice. I can't wait to come back for Bouchercon in a few months.

Last night, I gave a reading at Booked for Murder, and I can see why Ellen Hart calls it one of the best bookstores in the country. It's not large--in fact, it's on the far side of a strip mall on University Avenue. But once inside, it's warm, and Terri, one of the owners, is fabulous. She's funny, confident, smart, and knows her mysteries. Here's some of what I learned at the reading last night:

• Authors publish under different names for various reasons, including: those who publish in different genres or with different characters/styles and don't want to confuse their readers; those who don't want their speciality lines to drag down their hot-selling lines (apparently, the big stores like Wal-Mart order as many copies of a new book as the number the author sold in their last book; if the author knows s/he is going to write a book with a limited appeal, it is in her/his best interest to do so under a different name so as not to pull down future potentially big-selling books); those who are under contract to give their publisher right of first refusal for the next book published under their name and who want to squeak out of that; and crazy eccentric authors like Stephen King (I added that last one).
• Bouchercon and Left Coast Crime are the two big conferences. The rest of them keep their numbers to about 200, on purpose, and if they are stationary conferences (same city every year), they will likely draw the same crowd, so as a mystery author or fan, choose wisely when attending your conferences. Focus on your favorite genre, for example, or seek out one where your favorite author will be.
• Second printings of books are usually supplemental and not as large as the first printing. The first printing of May Day was 7500, for example, so the second printing will probably be around 2000, unless someone gets murdered in Battle Lake for real. :) (Is it wrong to put a smiley face there? Yes for sure.)

Good stuff. There were only four people at the signing, which is failure if you're a mathematician (or a cannibal with a large family) but success if you like being surrounded by mystery books and smart people. So yay, it was a resounding success! Oh, I also picked up a signed copy of Janet Evanovich's 12th book, a collection of short story mysteries so I can figure out how to write them, and a PJ Tracy novel.

Tomorrow, I'll be at the Wisconsin Rapids Book World from 11:30-1:30, and Saturday, I'll be at the Marshfield Book World (green box on the right, not the other stuff) from 11:30-1:30, passing out writing tips and red hot Atomic Fireballs like they grow on trees. You're gonna want to stop by and get some of that.

Race to Racine

Finding Internet access seems to be a trick when in an RV. Whoduthought? So, I’ll have to backtrack and post the Racine post the same day I post the Madison post.

Which do you want to hear first about my Racine Public Library “Mystery Writing Is Murder” presentation--the good news or the bad news? The good news? OK. All but two people there bought copies of May Day, and the group was made up of intelligent women, most of them writers. The bad news is that there were only eight people there. I guess I’m not exactly a household name in eastern Wisconsin. Or western. Or anywhere but my own house. The librarian who introduced me to the throng-ette did say I gave a mean presentation and invited me to the Breakfast with the Authors event the library holds the second Saturday in November.

One of the Racine attendees also writes for a regional writing mag and said she would like to do an article on me, so whee! But wait, it gets better. My dad later sold a copy of May Day to the couple from Hibbing who were camping next to us. Apparently, he got tired of having them silently watch him pump our poop from the RV into the ground from their lawn chairs five feet away and so struck up a conversation. They don’t read much but were sure their sister-in-law from Pengilly would like the book because it’s a mystery and she likes John Grisham.

We spent the night at Spring Green and visited House on the Rock, which is crazy cool. It’s a bit overwhelming, though, and gave Xander nightmares. But if you’re older than four, I recommend it. It was bizarre, like being inside someone’s cluttered brain.

On to Madison, my favorite city that I’ve never been to (thanks for the tip on the Capital Times piece, Mr. B.). But first, I need to share with you some light that Mr. B. brought into my life. I don’t know if he likes my sense of humor, but he clearly gets it.

We Have Wisconsin

The May Day Wisconsin book tour has begun! Whee! Currently, I am in Alma Center, Wisconsin, at the lovely KOA. Over the next ten days, I will be hitting six cities to spread the good word about the Book. If you follow along, you will find out what the glamorous world of an author really entails.

Currently, my kids are outside the RV playing with their new fly-shooter guns, bought for them by their Opa, who is presently enjoying his morning ablutions (that's a nice way of saying guy bathroom time, which is crazy long considering how little they do). My mom is cooking breakfast for everyone but her and me, as we are on an Ultrclear cleansing diet. The race to the bathroom is on...

I've also been researching the way to make the most out of booksignings, which have been a mixed bag for me, and presentations, which I enjoy but am nervous about. My mom has made a lovely full-color brochure, extolling the virtues of May Day, to which my kids will affix red hot Atomic Fireballs (Lex Ham Rand, do you see a Menard's/Fleet Farm candy pattern emerging in my literary career? What could it mean?). I'm going to hand those out to people who come near my table at signings, but do it in a low-pressure way as I hate pushiness. I've also bought 32 Nut Goodies for my Wednesday night presentation at Booked for Murder, both because I'm happy to visit Madison for the first time AND because Terri and Linda picked May Day for their May read.

Tonight, I am presenting, "Mystery Writing Is Murder," at the Racine Public Library at 7:00 (anyone know if there is a time change from Minnesota?), so stop by if you're around! It'll be a blast.

May Library Winner

The winner of the May May Day Librarian Contest is....the Adult Services Librarian at the Westborough Public Library in Westborough, Massachussetts! Because s/he was the May winner, s/he gets the special added treats--a Nut Goodie, a magnet, a pen, and a May Day canvas bag to carry books and such in. Oh, and the WPL gets a free copy of May Day.

In more good news, I've been invited to speak to two Battle Lake book clubs on September 12th and the St. Cloud Barnes & Noble mystery club on September 26. Yay! Speaking of Battle Lake, I'm going there on Saturday to do some research, so let me know if you need anything.

In the latest literary news, Product Placement Makes the Leap from Films to Books. Whaddya say, Mr. B.? Can we get me on the Nut Goodie website? If that's not a lucrative tie-in, I don't know what is. At the very least, May Day should be on the Battle Lake website, underneath the soothing banner, "Battle Lake--Easy to Get to, Hard to Leave...if you're dead! Enjoy the latest Battle Lake mystery from author Jess Lourey, available online and at your local bookstore." Good stuff.

Las Vegas

I am freshly back from Las Vegas, and it's good to be home. It wasn't really my kind of town--very artificial, expensive, frenzied, and lacking in history and culture. That said, it was a vacation, and I was with my friends, so how bad could it be... we caught a good Cirque du Soleil show (see above left), looked hot at a Mexican bar (see above right), got kicked out of Tao

because we weren't cool enough (no picture), met some friendly Brits at Studio 54 (see left), enjoyed delicious food that turned out to be accidentally raw (see right), and went to Madame Tussaud's where Xtine made out with Jon Bon Jovi (see below left). We also have a picture of George Clooney cupping Kellie's breast and me doing something unmentionable (he liked it) to our current President of the United States of America, but those pictures aren't fit to print.

Today, I'm back in the routine. I'm sending out a review copy of May Day to Sandra Ruttan at Spinetingler Magazine, who has graciously offered to review it. Then, it's time to revise Knee High by July. I just got feedback from my independent editor, and my favorite comment of hers is, "Skunks are mammals, not rodents." Is that a thorough editor or what? After revisions, I'm going to start updating my fall online Creative Writing course, so watch here for writing tips as I scour the Internet for the best of the best and smush it together with what I've learned the hard way.

Rogue Takes Vegas

Kellie, Christine, Linda, and I (see earlier picture with us and Ruth Buzzy) are leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow morning, so I won't be blogging for a week. The four of us take a summer trip every year. Last year, we took a train to Chicago (Christine and I had the most fun). The year before, we drove to Winnipeg, and the year before, we road-tripped to Colorado where we whitewater-rafted after hitting the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota, and Laura Ingalls' house in DeSmet, Someplace Flat.

But this year, it's the big time, a plane to Vegas and the Mirage Hotel, baby, and in honor of it, I got highlights put in my hair on Saturday. Unfortunately, my hair is very dark and my stylist was, like, concerned that the highlights, like, were going to be too light. They are. They're so light, in fact, they look gray, and now I look like a 36-year-old Rogue from X-Men, minus any sort of compensating superpower or tight-ass pleather suit. Wish me luck in Vegas.

Devil in a Blue Dress

I just finished Devil in a Blue Dress by Walter Mosley. It was Mosley's debut novel and received rave reviews when it came out in 1990. Mosley was hailed as the next Raymond Chandler, probably for his "gritty realism" (read: tough men, much violence, meddlesome yet sexy women who need to be straightened out by the protagonist whom they are reluctantly yet passionately attracted to--the typical male romance novel).

I began the novel with as much trepidation as I watched Capote--I was doing it because it was supposed to be good for me, not because I was going to like it. Turns out I liked it AND it was really really good. You know how when you're at a movie that is so good that you forget you're in a theater? Devil in a Blue Dress made me forget I was reading a book.

Here are my two favorite sections, both of which give you a feel for the sense of place and voice throughout the novel:

"When I opened the door I was slapped in the face by the force of Lips' alto horn. I had been hearing Lips and Wilie and Flattop since I was a boy in Houston. All of them and John and half the people in that crowded room had migrated from Houston after the war, and some before that. California was like heaven for the southern Negro. People told stories of how you could eat fruit right off the trees and get enough work to retire one day. The stories were true for the most part but the truth wasn't like the dream. Life was still hard in L.A. and if you worked every day you still found yourself at the bottom.

But being on the bottom didn't feel so bad if you could come to John's now and then and remember how it felt back home in Texas, dreaming about California. Sitting there and drinking John's scotch you could remember the dreams you once had and, for a while, it felt like you had them for real."

That's good writing. Here's some more:

"I was sitting there, naked on the toilet seat, and watching her go through the mirror-doored medicine cabinet. I felt something deep down in me, something dark like jazz when it reminds you death is waiting."

I enjoy mysteries with strong character development, ones that go below the surface and examine the human condition, and Devil in a Blue Dress does that. Lots. And the language is tight. Oh, and it's a movie! You know it must be good then.

My Lucrative New Career

In breaking news, I just found out that you can sue for bad and/or misleading dates. I've never hired a matchmaker, so I think I'll just go straight to the source and sue the guys/post-operative transsexuals with whom I had the dates (actually, the post-operative transsexual was very nice and a good conversationalist, but he really should have told me before the date that he was born a woman).

Cripes, I'm going to have to start making a list. I bet I could get $50,000 from the blind date who peed on the 15th hole of the mini golf course (in his defense, there was a rushing waterfall there which was hard to resist; against his defense, pee runs downhill, especially on Astroturf, so a real gentleman would have urinated at the bottom and not the top of the rise).

And I'm sure I could clear a cool 100 Gs for the foreign exchange student who stalked me after one date, finally cornering me outside my apartment building and shoving a size eight pair of women's brown suede ankle boots and telling me he was going to leave the country and could I just give him my social security number in case he needed to get a hold of me? Hmmm. I might be too busy to blog in the next few days...cha ching...

In the meanwhile, keep the great song ideas coming. They are chillingly brilliant in their ability to capture the feel of the central Minnesota wedding dance. Love in an Elevator, the extended version? I Knew the Bride before She Used to Rock n Roll? Yes. Bring it on.

A Wedding Dance It Is

Thank you for the brilliant wedding dance idea, Cindy! That will be the short story I write--a murder at the wedding dance. And thank you, chelty, for the suggestion of adding a brand new husband too embarassed to dance with his wife, and thank you, Barbara, for suggesting the chicken dance. It is all coming together. Now tell me, please, what is some horrible yet not unexpected music for a wedding dance at a Minnesota resort? "You Shook Me All Night Long?" "Love Hurts?" ...more?

(As a side note, I was going to write a "locked pontoon" short story, which would be a variation on the classic "locked room" mystery, but I just wasn't clever enough. I'll keep working on it.)

Oh, and the resort has to be a Battle Lake resort just because it has to. And because I want Mrs. Berns to crash the wedding dance. Anybody know which Battle Lake resort might have a cow pasture right next to it? It has to actually be ON West Battle Lake. I can't mention the name of the resort in the short story, but I can mention the lake it's on. Which one would you pick?

And do tell, Mr. B. What happened in Itasca?

Publish Your Short Story

The Minnesota Crime Wave, three excellent mystery writers, are taking submissions for their next anthology. See below:

"Following the success of its first publishing venture, Silence of the Loons, The Minnesota Crime Wave has announced a sequel to the criminous anthology. The new volume, to be titled Resort to Murder, is planned for release in late summer, 2007. The anthology will be published by Nodin Press of Minneapolis, known for its fine carefully designed books in many fields.

Eligible authors must have been professionally published in any genre and must be living in Minnesota. Stories must be set at a real Minnesota resort, although the actual name of the resort may not be used. Authors must tell the Crime Wave which Minnesota resort they intend to use as their setting to avoid duplications. All stories much contain at least one murder and will range from 1,000 to 7,500 words in length. Contracts and payment of $100 will be issued upon acceptance of each story.

Spokesbabe Ellen Hart said, 'This is a great opportunity for authors in other genres who want to try crime fiction.' 'We'll be looking for strong motivation, suspense and interesting characters,' commented William Kent Krueger. 'And don't forget pace and good description,' added Carl Brookins.

The crime wave trio, mystery authors all, has pledged their usual strong efforts to promote the anthology once it is released. The Minnesota CrimeWave has become known for its compelling costumed presentations to audiences at bookstores, libraries and other venues across the country. For more information, contact The Minnesota Crime Wave at:MinnesotaCrimeWave@yahoo.com."

So, if you're a published Minnesotan, you should write a short story. Actually, I should write a short story because this sounds like it's right up my alley, but I have a thing about short stories. And poems. I can't write 'em. Maybe it's time to shake that off. Any plot kernels for me, Mr. B.? Holly? Anyone? A murder at a resort...cripes, I have writer's block.

Which means I'm going to Google myself, which is my favorite work avoidance activity, next to researching which movie stars have gotten plastic surgery. Check this out:

Lourey, Jess: May Day
Lourey, Jess: May Day,Conservative,Book Club,Reagan,Homeschool,Human Events,Eagle Publishing,Religion,Politics,Republican,History,Biographies,National ...
www.forbesbookclub.com/BookPage.asp?prod_cd=IVEVA - 15k -

Ha! That's irony. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things, doesn't belong...OK, I'm taking the kids to get some culture in Alexandria. Hope to see you there!

Take My Johnny Holm, Please...

Celebrate the Awake the Lakes Festival in beautiful Alexandria, Minnesota, (birthplace of America!) this weekend. Please. I have two tickets to Johnny Holm that I won on the radio yesterday (see previous posting), and I'd like to give them away to some lucky somebody. To be eligible to win, you need to post as a comment to this blog the story of your first kegger, or your first drinking-something-mixed-with-Koolaid-whilst-standing-in-a field party, or first-kiss-in-a-small-town, in 500 words or less. Best story wins two free tickets to the magical Johnny Holm performance, this Saturday.

And if you're an out-of-towner, come early for the fun! Friday there are fireworks, hunks of cooked animal flesh, and Big John Dickerson. Saturday is the Heritage Fest, during which you can get a side of chips and salsa with your lutefisk and listen to the Marv Nissel Family Band. Ah, diversity in west central Minnesota. I love this stuff. And I will be there, with my kids and a big smile on my face.

If you come, I think you'll find Alexandria easy to get to and hard to leave (like Battle Lake, except with less irony). First, though, you must enter to win these Johnny Holm tickets. As anyone who has seen this mellifluous musician perform his Pied Piper-esque rock-n-roll will tell you, this is not an opportunity to be missed. So share your best summer in a small town story, and give me fodder for another book.

And congratulations to Jenn the librarian, who won yesterday's trivia contest and so has a Nut Goodie hurtling through snail mail to her. Thank you for the Johnny Holm link, Jenn. Can you believe I spelled his name wrong?!? And I call myself a Minnesotan.

It's My Birthday...

...and I'll eat pie? get high? say goodbye? try to fly? hire a super spy? cry if I want to. I turn 36 at 7:36 pm (Pacific Time) today, and here's what I know for sure: I won the trivia question on z99 this morning, sandwiched between the song "Complicated" and that new Kelly Clarkson tune that I'm trying not to like but is so overplayed that I don't know if I'll be able to fight the good fight much longer. Here was the question:

"What 1968 movie was the first to star a computer?"

Holly and Mr. B., I know you know it, so you can't answer. And neither can anyone else whom I know or knows me. But if you are a stranger to me, you can answer that question on my blog for a chance to win a Nut Goodie. I'll send it to you. I'm serious. And, if you live close to Alexandria, Minnesota, and answer that question in my blog before Friday, I'll send you the two tickets to the Johnny Holmes concert that I won on the radio. Again, serious. Oh, and I just tried to find you a link to Johnny Holmes, for those of you who aren't from Minnesota and don't know of this perennial, ageless tourer and creator to the soundtrack of many a Minnesotan gal's first kiss/introduction to beer in a plastic glass (why do those two always go together?), but apparently he shares a name with a famous porn star so I've given up. OH wait, I've found an excellent link that gives you a little snapshot of Johnny Holmes' target audience. Is it legal to use Thoreau to justify not calling your makeover/gossip/bridesmaid friends?

I also won two KFC bowls along with the Johnny Holmes tickets, but I'm keeping the bowl coupons to satisfy my gruesome curiousity. The KFC bowl sounds like gnarly shepherd's pie, and I can't believe it exists. Tom-E Lee on the radio was having a tough time making them sound edible ("potatoes! and gravy! corn! fried chicken! and a cheese blend! all in one bowl?), but not for lack of trying.

Does anyone remember Clucky the Chicken from Saturday Night Live ("They're gonna kill me and fry me up! I love it!")? KFC's social responsibility commitment reminds me of that. Yum! I love a good commitment to animal welfare, with a side of jojos, please.

OK, that's about it, except I took that online IQ test (to make sure I still got it), and here's what I know:

"Congratulations, Jessica!Your IQ score is 127

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. "

That's a 127, Mr. B. The gauntlet has been thrown down (and thank you for the cyber cake).

Kevin Likes My Blog

Check out the email I just got from Kevin Douglas:

>>>>
Hello Jess,

I have been reading your blog for quite a while now, and I must say that you are doing a terrific job. I intent to promote a novel titled "street Fame"-an urban tale, via the internet, and I figured out that using a blog would be the best way to go. I therefore humbly request you if it's possible to use your blog as a good platform to promote this book. All it takes is to add our book's banner on your blog and in return we also add your blog's link/logo on our blog ( http://howdoyoulikeyourspam). I believe this will go a long way to benefit both of us in relation to our blogs/sites. How does that sound? Let me know the possibility so that we can add your link/logo on our blog. The code of our logo is:
>>>>>>

Isn't that nice? I don't know Kevin, but he has been following my blog for quite a while now. Kevin, what is it that you like most about my blog? Kevin? Um, Kevin?

Enough of that. I have a link for you to follow, but it's not for kids. Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books? Well then, be prepared to see some familiar covers with very different titles. Be sure to scroll through them all. The first page is OK but they get better the farther you go. Thanks, Mr. B.

Also, yesterday I read Live Bait, by the mother/daughter team of PJ and Tracy Lambrecht, and I enjoyed it every way but Sunday. The pacing and character development are excellent, it has some nice surprises, and the dialogue is off the chart fantastic. My only complaint is that "Willmar" was spelled wrong (the book is set in Minnesota), but I bet that was some editor's mistake, and not the author's. And you know, if that's the worst you can say about a mystery novel, that's pretty dang good. Read it. You won't regret it.

Dance, Book Clubs, and Gynecologists

Ah, the trifecta of life.

OK, first for dance. Two people have sent this to me, and so I am sending it to you. It's cute! It's the evolution of dance.

On to the book club and gynecologists. I was invited to speak at an Alexandria book club, which had May Day as their May pick. The book club meeting was held at a gorgeous, tastefully decorated house on a local golf course. There were strawberries dipped in chocoloate, stuffed mushrooms, and delicious wine. I was the first one there, and then the women started filing in--a reporter from the local newspaper, some teachers, a few doctors, and then, all of a sudden, there was my gynecologist.

Usually, when I'm at a party, I'm the only one there who has seen me naked. You can bank on it. But, not Wednesday.

The shock of seeing my gynecologist in civilian clothes in this immaculate house where I was about to come under the microscope of a baker's dozen of slightly tipsy professional women, who had all come to discuss my "a-little-bit-raunchy" chick lit mystery, caused me to hiss under my breath, "That woman has seen my vagina!"

Apparently, gynecologists, like mothers, dogs, and teachers, have supernatural hearing, and she turned in my direction and said, "It must have been normal, because I don't remember it." Ha! That's a great line. My gynecologist is funny. The rest of the night was a good time, though there was much more talk about life than May Day, which is the way it should be. Oh, and they liked the book. :) They were kind enough to compare my writing style to Janet Evanovich's!!! Whee.

Have a great weekend.

Apologies for the Light Blogging

Phew. Is anybody else out there really busy this time of year? Tomorrow is the last day of the semester at Alex Tech, so I am busily reading and grading mountainous stacks of papers. For the most part, it is gratifying to see the learning that has taken place over the semester, and I have a good group of students who are at college for all the right reasons (beer!). Not beer. An education. But this is also the time of the semester when the "there are no stupid questions" line is shown to be the flaming ball of crap that it is. Phew.

Because today's blog is so lame, I am providing you a laughter surrogate. Watch out--it's sharp.

Tomorrow, I am the invited guest at an Alexandria book club. I'm excited! Wine, and ladies who have read May Day. Wait. Maybe that's scary. Will report.

In the meanwhile, what is the stupidest question you've ever been asked?

June Bug Cover!

I just received the sketch of the June Bug cover. It's superfun! Thank you, Lisa Novak and Midnight Ink, for your great sensibilities. I also finished pumping up June Bug last night--I paid a freelance editor $5 a page to criticize me, and she earned every penny--and you know, I'm really proud of that book. It's got it all--mystery, love, humor, suspense. I can't wait for you to read it!

Anyhow, Lisa sketches the cover (and she's great), and then Midnight Ink hires another person to polish it up, so the cover that ends up being on June Bug when it comes out next March may not look exactly like what you see to the right, but it's where we're starting. I especially like that Mira has "Last Resort" stamped to her rear in the picture. You'll have to read the book to find out what that means.

On to my new favorite typo, printed this week in a local Minnesota newspaper:

"Seventeen high school thesbians will stage the award-winning comedy, 'You Can't Take It With You,' this weekend in the school auditorium...The thesbians were scheduled to perform the play in April, but it was delayed until May."

I'm pretty sure that thesbians are women who like women with speech impediments, and I think it's fantastic that greater Minnesota is opening its hearts, minds, and stages to a variety of lifestyles. Is that a kick-ass typo, or what? That knocks the woman who wrote, in her cover letter applying for an English instructor position, "It is my goal to leave my job in the private sector and become a pubic worker, where I can touch many more people," right off the top of my all-time, favorite typos list.

Have a great weekend!

Battle Lake

On Saturday, my friend Christine, my son, Xander (little man with the barbed wire tattoo on the left), and I all road-tripped to Battle Lake, Minnesota. My goal was to drop off gift bags with review copies of May Day to all the local businesses. The Village Apothecary is already carrying it, and they sold out of their first 20 copies quickly, so yay! One Fine Day, the local coffee/gift shop (and the place I got the kernel of the idea for the fictional Fortune Cafe in the Murder by Month series), will now be carrying it, as will the art gallery. The deal with the art gallery is that I have to volunteer there four days this summer as a trade-off, which is just fine because it's important to me to support the arts and the community. Or, I have a crush on the pharmacist (he's cute, funny, AND has troughs of Valium--it's always good to make new friends), and his business is just up the street from the gallery.

Also, Xanadu Island Bed and Breakfast, the inspiration for the fictionalized lost diamond mystery in June Bug, has requested a review copy of May Day. They're thinking of slapping their resort's information in the front cover and selling copies in their gift store. What a fantastic way for them to spread the word about their great resort, eh? Next time you're in the Battle Lake area, check out Xanadu. It's everything they promise.

In more good news, the Praire Renaissance Cultural Center in Morris, Minnesota, will soon be carrying May Day. I am amazed (and happy) at all the support out there for Minnesota artists!

And here's my parting thought for the day, via a fellow teacher whose students gave a presentation on whether or not sexual education should be offered in high schools (yes, some people believe it is debatable). From a student arguing that sex ed should NOT be taught in high schools: "It's human nature, so why do we have to talk about it?!?" Hee hee. I love that. It's so Minnesotan.

BPW

Big Plaid Waders? Best Pre-dawn Watermelon? British People are Well-turned? No, it's Business and Professional Women, and don't be fooled by their website. They're wild, funny, and smart. I rename them Best Prepared Wildwomen, and they don't even have to change their monogrammed jackets. Anyhow, I was invited by the Minnesota President of BPW, Connie Hill, to give a lunchtime presentation at the state BPW convention at Arrowwood last Friday, and I had a wonderful time. They were the best audience ever and bought 32 copies of May Day! I so enjoyed their company that I joined BPW today. I am officially a business and professional woman...

...which is a great segue to my next point. I had to buy tampons at the gas station yesterday, and I waited until the female checker was free instead of going into the male checker's line, which was much shorter. Why this ridiculous behavior?!?! It was about five years ago that I became comfortable buying toilet paper from any gender, but still not so much with the female hygiene products I guess. How old do I have to be before that is no big deal? Probably when I hit menopause, which is ironic.

Mystery Scene Magazine and the April Library Winner

May Day has just this week gotten a positive review in Mystery Scene, which IS the mystery scene, so that's very exciting! Here are my favorite lines from the review (and, believe it or not, I didn't have to edit out any bad things, which is what the ellipses usually mean):

"...Hip young Mira James feels a dead-end job and romance in Minneapolis to seek rural comforts in Battle Lake...Nothing is as it seems, and Mira learns the dangerous way whom she can actually trust. Who would have imagined that her boss, the librarian, would have kinky sexual appetites? Who knew that there was a huge market for sex parties geared toward the geriatric set?...It's enough to make one yearn for the anonymity of the big city where perversity is more evenly distributed. Nonetheless, Mira exposes the truth and gets a nice scoop for her paper, too. Meet this witty heroine in Lourey's engaging new series."

Fun stuff. And if you like mysteries, make sure to read Mystery Scene magazine. It's all there, as I'm sure Alison, Assistant Librarian and winner (for her library) of a free copy of May Day (!!!) will agree too. Your library's copy is in the mail, Alison! Thanks for entering the contest. If you're a librarian, you should do the same.

Changing of the Guard

On Monday, I started the application process to the University of Minnesota MFA/PhD and the University of Iowa MFA. I figured it would be auspicious to begin them on May Day (which is not only the title of my first mystery but also one of my favorite holidays due to the springy feel, the historic roots, and the fact that my stoic father actually gave my sister and me a May Day basket one year as a surprise, one he made himself out of styrofoam cups--that incident made it into May Day, but the rest is really fiction. Mostly.).

You know, when you click on the the May Day link to amazon.com above, I think it brings you to MY amazon.com page, which means you can find out what I order through amazon.com, so I'm just going to come out and tell you I ordered two belly-dancing videotapes yesterday. And that the "Star Wars Revenge of the Sight Lightsaber: Green and Silver by Hasbro" is on my "recommended for you" list. I'm a complex person.

Back to the MFAs. I am committed to writing all twelve of the Murder by Month mysteries, but I also want the time/skillz/practice to write mainstream fiction, alternative fiction, fantasy, and socially responsible fiction. Plus, I need to get out of Alexandria, at least for a while. I'm feeling restless. I had hoped that it would work out in a big way with my hometown crush so I could write and teach online in Paynesville--not as glamorous as an MFA, but appealing and satisfying in a different way and EASIER--but it was not meant to be.

The MFA application process is tedious--I've spent a couple days on it already--but what else do I have to do, right? Except belly dance. With a green light saber.

Happy May Day!

It is the first day of my favorite month of the year--May. Now you know why the mystery series didn't start in January. I love May because it is the first kiss of spring, with wild green leaves, lilacs, and chicks on "this year I'm gonna do it" diets blooming everywhere. Plus, my birthday is in May. Wanna guess which famous person I share a birthday with? We have similar singing voices, as those who heard me "sing" karaoke at the Holiday Inn on Friday can attest to.

And in honor of May Day, May Day is selling swimmingly on amazon. Yay! I wonder how it'll do on No Pants Day?

One last thing--congratulations to Ellen Hart for winning the 2006 Minnesota Book Award for popular fiction for her fabulous Jane Lawless mystery, The Iron Girl!

Oh wait, one more last thing. I've decided to get a tattoo. Can anyone recommend a good tattoo artist in Minnesota?

Chicks and Hicks

That's what Mr. B. recommended I call my Great Wisconsin RV Book Tour. Since when is driving around Wisconsin in a 1973 RV with your parents uncool? Chicks and Hicks my ass. I am very excited to bring May Day to the people of The Cheese State. And for those of you who say Wisconsin is just Minnesota Lite, I say pah (in my naked-but-for-my-yellowed-underwear-old-man, fist-shaking voice).

The other day I got an email from William Kent Krueger in which he apologized for not making it to my last Saturday signing at Once Upon a Crime and said that he thought I was the best writer he'd ever read and that I was really fun to be around, too. Or maybe he just said to stop calling his house and asking for Cork O'Connor. I dunno. It all gets so jumbly in my head sometimes.

Yesterday, as I was beginning revisions on the first full draft of Knee High by July with all the enthusiasm I usually save for pap smears, church, and dentist appointments, I had a thought: "How do authors know how long a book should be?" My mainstream fiction (which isn't published, thank you for asking) novel is about 300 pages, but darn it if I can get a mystery past 220 pages. I get to to 200 pages and I think, "done." I race to that 200 pages, and that's where all three have ended. I push myself, push push push myself to get it to 210, and then take feedback from others to get it to 220. Is that me, or is that just the natural arc of the story and I am just a whittler on the wood of the plot, uncovering what was there all along?

Once Upon a Crime

Saturday, I was signing books at Once Upon a Crime in Minneapolis. Pat and Gary own the place and are wonderful--funny, giving (they supplied lemonade, cookies, and more!), and crazy smart about mysteries. Their store is exactly what you imagine a bookstore (or the library in your house) should look like--neat but tight with books, natural lighting but dark corners, and comfortable furniture. If you've never been, go. There's a mystery for everyone.

Plus, it's right up the street from the CC Club in Uptown, where I used to go and play pool (poorly, but cockily, the way I do many things) and drink shots of Jagermeister. Yuck. And then, my friends and I would stumble over to Liquor Lyle's to dine on the block of government cheese that they put out for "happy" hour. Yum.

Yesterday, I booked a plane ticket for Las Vegas, where I will be flying in June with Christine, Linda, and Kellie. One of us will be leaving with a new piercing, and one of us will be leaving with a tattoo, but we're not sure which or what. I guess they help you sort all that out in Vegas, but I'll take bets here. Assuming you can judge a book by its cover, here's some help when placing bets: that's me on the left, Linda next to me, Kellie popping up in behind, and Christine on the right. That Ruth Buzzy happens to be in the picture is just gravy.

Jesus and L Ron Hubbard Share a Giggle

Those guys. Having Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields give birth at the same hospital on the same day. I tell you.

The big news is not the ultimate celebrity punking carried out by those two holy rascals, though. It's not even the United States visit by the President of China for a lighthearted game of Risk. No, the big news is that Knee High by July is done. Well, the first complete draft is done--198 pages. The next step is to gather up my "buttons"--little scraps of paper with character quirks, funny turns of phrase, plot twists--that I gather throughout the year, and sew them into the story. That fleshes it out and adds depth.

After that, I send it off to Holly Hassel, who gives me detailed feedback and encouragement. Then, I send it to Jessica Morrell, who tosses her beret in the air and says, "to work!" She gives me little encouragement and a lot of criticism. It's good for me, like a personal trainer ridding my writing of fat, sloth, and joy. After I make those changes, I send it to Barbara at Midnight Ink to stick it in the chute, where it gets a cover, some more editing, and all that other fun stuff.

While Knee High is with Jessica, I'm going to edit June Bug, which I just got back from Jessica yesterday. Man, she's hard on me. Getting edited reminds me of parent teacher/conferences, where the teacher tells you that your child has a lot of potential but no one likes her so maybe work on that. The plan is to have June Bug bionic and fantastic and in Barbara's hands by May 15th, and Knee High bionic and fantastic and in Barbara's hands by June 15th. Whaddya say, Barbara?

Pyromania

I like to start fires, as do most of the women in my family. That would be a great opening line for a novel, but it also happens to be the truth, especially this time of year when I've got piles of leaves sitting around, taunting me with their incendiary nature. I already burned one pile, even though I'm pretty sure there was a burning ban on, and it was great. That got me to thinking. How many arsonists are female? In the U.S., roughly 16%, in 2003. Hmm. I would have thought more would be female. Or maybe the women just get caught less?

Anyhow, my need to burn things is wholly satisfied by a lot of camping and maybe a leaf pile or two, so whew. But I wonder if it is just the women in my family who like to burn things, or if that is a gender-favoring trait? Happy Monday thoughts. Oh, and good news! The Sunday St. Paul Pioneer Press covered May Day. Thank you, Mary Ann Grossman! (and Brian)

I've Been Blog-Tagged

I've been blog-tagged by Sara Rosett, author of the Mom Zone series from Kensington Books. That means I need to answer her favorites in fours questions, and then tag four more people. Why does this feel like the new chain letter? I can do it, though, because it beats writing a novel right about now.

4 movies you would watch over and over:

• Gone with the Wind
• O Brother Where Art Thou
• Murder by Death
• The Star Wars Trilogy

4 places you have lived:

• Tacoma, Washington (born here)
• Paynesville, Minnesota (raised here)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota (rebelled here)
• Battle Lake, Minnesota (inspired to write murder mysteries here)

4 TV shows you love to watch:

• The Office
• Sex and the City
• Little House on the Prairie
• The X Files

4 places you have been on vacation:

• Cozumel (scuba diving and snorkeling)
• Florida Keys (scuba diving)
• Aruba (snorkeling and a wedding--not mine)
• Canada (um, the Canadians?)

4 of your favorite foods:

• Popcorn
• Ice Cream
• Bagels
• Dark chocolate with nuts

4 Websites you visit daily:

• Pop Goes the Library
• Me (to make updates)
• Alex Tech
• Google

4 places you would rather be right now:

I believe in always making the best of whatever place, person, or moment in time I am so I'd like to just say I'm happy right now where I...screw it:

• At a bank, cashing a check for $1,000,000 for a three-book deal with Midnight Ink
• In the arms of that rare intelligent, funny, and emotionally mature straight hot guy who is telling me he loves me
• On a beach with my kids, teaching them to snorkel
• At my French villa with friends and family, drinking red wine, eating cheese with crusty bread, and playing Trivial Pursuit

Tag 4 People you think will respond:

• Janet Evanovich (why not?)
• Brian Farrey
• Liz Burns
• Sammi Carter

Rejection

I have stuck to my writing schedule for five days in a row. This is good. I have also recently received three smackdown rejections (to be fair, it was three reviewers for the same journal, and it's the American Journal of Sociological Review, which is the big dog and where I cockily began submitting) for my 50-page research article, "Sexual Knowledge and Politics." A sampling:

"There is much to like about this article. It examines a major public issue of concern to social scientists and the public. It is on the whole well written and empirically grounded. On the surface, it is entirely reasonable and its findings and charts straightforward...[h]owever, there were too many parts of it that didn’t make sense to me as a social scientist..."

"This study is an analysis of the association between sexual knowledge and political affiliation/voting preferences. As such, its greatest strength is its selection of an interesting research question...[u]nfortunately...it requires major reworking to remedy the problems outlined below: Overreaching in its scope. Conflating separate issues. Overly polemical tone..."

"This manuscript poses the provocative question: Has the Republican right limited sexual knowledge via abstinence-only education in America? The author suggests that this is the case...The paper does a good job tracing the political history of sex education, but misses the opportunity to engage broader sociological theories that can serve as frameworks for how attitudes are shaped and populations are mobilized around issues...overly selective sample..."

Isn't that nice? I post this as evidence of the thick skin (read: disassociation from reality) required to be a published writer, whether of nonfiction or fiction. I'm now going to scrabble together my strips of dignity, change the title of my research article, and submit it to The Boise Journal of Theses You Can't Get Published Anywhere Else.

I'm Hot-Blooded--Check It and See

Last night I was doing research for Knee High by July (it was the second night IN A ROW I stuck to my writing schedule!!!) and came across this really fantastic picture of Chief Wenonga. If loving him is wrong, I don't want to be right.

And, in a moving victory for feminism, Girls Gone Wild Have Been Released Back into Civilization. Thank you, Dr. Holly Hassel, for sharing the good news with me. :)

The Winning Library

Congratulations to Melisa Duncan, Community Relations person at Fargo Public Library!! She won a free copy of May Day for the library by entering the drawing on my webpage. If you're a librarian, you should enter.

And check out the Smoking Gun for the latest on a presidential mishap. Of intelligence. I'm going to float an idea out there. This two party corporate-sponsored system is not really working for me. What about a political system where multiple ideas and demographics are represented? Probably, we'd have to reform the campaign funding and electoral processes to make that viable. What? Someone's already thought of that?

And hey, I got my three pages written last night! Half of one page was part of my outline that I cut and pasted, but I still wrote it so it counts. Mystery writing is unique in that you have to write the ending first. So, I come up with a central mystery idea (murdered love, missing diamond, disappearing fiberglass statue with human scalp left at the base, creationism science camp and a murdered cheerleader, etc.), decide whodunit, and then create a seven-day or so outline starting at the scene of the crime and working toward its resolution (most of my mysteries span a very short period of time). I get the bare bones of what happens each day written down in a table outline, and then I use that to keep myself on track as I write the actual novel. I should do more of that writing the actual novel.

Better Day

OK, my day's gotten better. Thank god for cute kids who like making cupcakes and playing Star Wars faerie ring forest tag on beautiful spring days.

As of today, my writing goal is to turn out three pages a day, five days a week, which means I will be done with Knee High by July in...six weeks. That's not so bad, right? I'll keep ya' updated.

Oh, and I finished William Kent Krueger's Mercy Falls. If you are a mystery reader, you'll be familiar with the uproar over the ending. I didn't hate it. And the novel itself has the fantastic character development and plot twists that Kent is known for, though less on the fidelity issue, fewer peripheral characters, and more setting and Native American description wouldn't have killed it.

Shoot. My Roomba just got caught on something...

Lickerish

That's my new word for today--"lickerish." It means lecherous and greedy, and it sounds like that is exactly what it means, which is why it's a great word.

"The lickerish stranger shoved his hands into his pocket and limped away, smiling to himself."

That's about all I have for today because I'm crabby. I was dumped by an emotionally stunted man (must be something in the water in rural Minnesota), my students are being needy ("I wasn't in class yesterday because I was sick, which wasn't my fault, so can I still get points for class participation?"), administration wants to pump my class sizes up to three times their current size (I wonder why students aren't learning as much as they should? Probably diverting money from education will fix the problem.), and Molly Ivins is totally right that the Democrats suck ass.

Clearly, I need to get drunk or skinny and everything will get better (not drunk AND skinny, though, because then I'd be Tara Reid).

The Apothecary Has Taken the Plunge

Battle Lake news:

• I just received a letter from Jay, the pharmacist at the Village Apothecary (featured in May Day), and he has requested 24 copies of the book. This is my favorite part of his letter: "I did, however, practice in Paynesville for 6 years before moving here to Battle Lake, and I must say that Paynesville had just as many oddities as our small town. I see that you hail from Paynesville. Does this mean you are odd as well?" Ha! I like this guy. And yes, it means I'm odd as well.
• I got a phone call from the owner of the Nifty Nook Resort requesting a review copy. Fun! I am not hated in Battle Lake. Yet. Of course, they haven't read the book yet.
• Actually, one of them has. His name is Lyman, I'm guessing he is on the young side of 80, and he called me Saturday afternoon to tell me he thoroughly enjoyed May Day. He went on to regale me with a story of a horrible and mysteriously bloody human corpse that he stumbled upon a few years back. I don't think I can use it, but thanks for calling, Lyman. There's nothing a single gal likes quite so much as the afternoon call from a stranger who wants to talk about grisly death. Seriously, it was a very sweet phone call, and I appreciated the thought.

That's about it for today, except that I had to get a CT scan this morning, and it was scary. Well, not too scary because it was just to make sure that my enlarged salivary gland is just that (I drool when I type), but you have to sit on your back and get this dye injected into your arm that makes your body feel like it's on fire for a second, then you taste metal, and then you feel like you peed your pants (I'm not making this up, and it wasn't just me). Blah. And the needle is really, really big. But all is well. And I don't really drool when I type. Just when I talk.

Oh wait! I forgot the big May Day news. My mom called me yesterday to tell me that according to the Sunday St. Cloud Times, May Day is the best selling trade paperback in St. Cloud!!! May Day was also generously reviewed by In the Library.

St. Cloud State University Booksigning

Sold about ten copies of May Day at the SCSU booksigning at the Husky bookstore and met some very interesting people, so I'm calling it a good signing. 'Kay? And I got a pedicure today, so I'm set. Set, I tell you.

Except, Mr. B. just emailed me to ask if I've heard from the businesses of Battle Lake. He sent them all an "email Jess for a free review copy of May Day" last week, and not one of them has bitten. What's up, Battle Lake?

And finally, someone forwarded me the picture to the left. Since when is it OK to make fun of the leader of the free world? Cheese and rice, some respect, people. Ha! I love the expression on the woman's face. She means it.

Intellectual Crack

Tuesday pm is writing night at the Lourey house. My mom drives all the way from Paynesville, Minnesota, to play with my kids so I can realize my dream of being a published novelist. Or, at least expand on that dream and meet my June 1st deadline for Knee High by July. Do you know what I'm doing instead of writing? I'm firing up the intellectual crack pipe, aka trolling the Internet. I encourage you to put down the blog now unless you want to become an addict like me, forever searching for that hit of the weird, the celebrity, the worrisome, unable to hold down a full-time job due to your ever escalating need to be online. Here's what I got:

• Awful Plastic Surgery
• Britney Sculpture of Birth (why is the most disturbing part of this entire article that the sculpture doesn't look like Britney?)
• Defamer
• God on Women

OK, I think that's enough Internet detritus. I'm quitting cold turkey. For tonight. And as long as I write ten pages for Knee High, I've met my quota and I can absolve myself of all guilt. Oh, wait. I gotta check my horoscope.

"Push aside your pride, especially when dealing with a situation that needs an immediate solution. Someone you've been avoiding can help you with your dilemma, so get rid of your ego and ask for their help."

Someone I've been avoiding? Cripes. That could be anyone. And that is a lame-o horoscope, for the record. What about love, money, and skyrocketing careers? Maybe I need to pay for the psychic love test to really get to know myself. Wait...I can get a sample birth time reading for free.

"The Inner You: Your Real Motivation. You are, in many ways, an eternal child. Your mind is bright, alert, curious, flexible, playful, and always eager for new experiences - and your attention span is often quite brief. You grasp ideas quickly and once your initial curiosity has been satisfied, you want to go on to something else. You crave frequent change, variety, meeting new situations and people. Find out more with your full-length reading..."

Hmmm. If I weren't so childlike with my firefly flicker of an attention span, I might be able to find my credit card and front for the full-length reading. Back to writing it is.

We Have Liftoff

May Day is officially launched! The book launch party at the Douglas County Library last Saturday was a rousing success, except that no one ate enough cheese so I had to take it home. I am so full of cheese ("Things a mouse would say?"). The majority of well-wishers were 60 and older and had heard me on Open Line last Thursday. Now that I am infiltrating that age group, I am closer to finding out whether or not they are offended by my lively portrayal of the "life experienced" in May Day. I'm putting my money on "not offended," because it's about time that we stopped marginalizing those in the retirement community and recognized that they are active and contributing members of society. And probably do? don't? have naked rosemaling clubs. It's anybody's guess, really.

Fergus Falls Public Library

I've come close to Battle Lake and have yet to be stoned (as in, rocks thrown at me) for basing a mystery series there, so yay! Actually, the Wednesday night Fergus Falls Library presentation was a blast. The audience was receptive and full of fantastic questions and input. One kind woman also let me know that the Fargo Forum had reviewed May Day a couple weeks earlier. I think interactive presentations are the way to go because as an author, you don't have that leprous feel of a book signing (unless the signing is at the St. Cloud Waldenbooks, in which case you feel happy). Thank you to the great staff at the FF Library!

Thank you also to Dennis and Patty for having me on Open Line yesterday. It was good clean fun, and I got to come up with Battle Lake and May Day trivia questions for the listeners. Dennis and Patty did a great job promoting the book launch party for May Day, which is tomorrow from 1-3 at the Douglas County Library. I'll be giving away free prizes every fifteen minutes and there will be free food and fun. I like fun. Consider yourself invited. :)

My Martha Stewart tip for the weekend: For those of you who desperately want it to be spring, I recommend buying yourself some fresh flowers on your way home from work and popping a watermelon Jolly Rancher in your mouth. Trust me.

The Sexiest Punctuation

I share an office with Christine Hollermann-Hanlon (and I'm sure she'll thank me for linking you to the worst picture she has ever taken in her adult life), and today, we were getting in a discussion about which punctuation is the sexiest. I don't mean "sexy" in that trendy way where it is interchangeable with the word "popular," as in, "401Ks are a very sexy option for the employee in their 40s." It chaps my hide when people use "sexy" that way, mainstreaming a perfectly good if slightly 1970s taboo word.

No, I mean sexy, as in, "It's really hot when a guy knows how to use a semicolon." Isn't it crazy naughty fun to be an English teacher? This is our office talk. Christine is partial to the em dash, which, while it is my personal favorite form of punctuation because I'm all about parenthetical thoughts, just isn't sexy. Now the semicolon, well that requires one to create and inscribe two thoughts that are so close, so intimately connected that a period would be a sea between them, but also independent and evolved enough that they need their own space and can stand alone when necessary. Now that's sexy. Anyone care to weigh in on their own personal faves?

More Pix from Waldenbooks Signing

Super Cindy (the chick in the far left picture who was disappointed there wasn't really a May Day thong), just emailed me some more fun pix from the Waldenbooks signing. Good time had by all.

I look a little carnivorous in the lower left one with my kids. Brian--don't send me any more pictures of Morticia Addams. I get it. My skin is pale and my hair is dark, and you think I'm a witch. Hmmm...Zoe looks a little Wednesday-ish in the one on the right. Maybe you are on to something.

For those of you who missed Boston Legal last week, check out the clip. I don't normally watch the show, but I was in a hotel room, caught it by accident, and found it very compelling.

Today over lunch I'm giving an informal presentation on publishing a novel. Informal means I don't know what I'm going to say. The presentation will be held in room 114 at Alex Tech at noon. If you can't catch that, stop by the Fergus Falls Library at 7:00 p.m. today. I'm a little worried about Fergus. It's close to Battle Lake, and since I haven't heard from the Battle Lake crowd about their feelings on May Day, I think tonight I may. Day. May Day.

Making Eye Babies

OK, when Holly sent me this, I thought it was from The Onion, America's Finest News Source, but it is actually from the Chronicle of Higher Education. The article is called A College That's Strictly Different, it's about a conservative Pensacola Christian college with many, many rules for student behavior in and out of the classroom, and this is my favorite paragraph in it:

"Even couples who are not talking or touching can be reprimanded. Sabrina Poirier, a student at Pensacola who withdrew in 1997, was disciplined for what is known on the campus as 'optical intercourse' — staring too intently into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex. This is also referred to as 'making eye babies.' "

Hallelujah for academic freedom, I say. And if while imparting a sound, unaccredited education, this college can also deliver a smackdown on optical intercourse, thereby cutting down on the number of unplanned eye babies in the world, and by extension the number of single eye baby mothers who would probably just raise eye baby criminals, who are we to cast aspersions?

I just wonder if we could somehow spread the word that PCC and BJU and the like are out there so those far right conservatives who feel disenfranchised by a liberal arts education that requires an introduction to and critical examination of diverse perspectives could find their voice and maybe feel like they have some say in the political, moral, and social landscape of the U. S.

St. Cloud Waldenbooks

The St. Cloud Waldenbooks booksigning was my favorite to date, and not because my mom was there snapping pictures of me in front of the "For Dummies" line of books, either. It wasn't even that my very sweet kids were there, though that sure didn't hurt. No, the big plus for me was Gina, the manager. She bought me daisies (my second favorite flower after lilacs), she had balloons out, she kept me company during the slow times, she had all of her employees walking around with copies of May Day, and she actually walked up to people browsing in the store and sent them my way. She even made one of the employees lay on the floor right in the mall traffic with a copy of May Day over his face, playing off the actual book cover of May Day. Good time! Thank you, Gina!

p.s. Have I mentioned that a married guy with testicle cleavage (couldn't help looking--I was sitting down, he wasn't) hit on me at the Alexandria book signing? That's really no one's fault (except maybe evolution's), but something like that sticks with a gal for a while. I've been trying to supress the memory, but I think it's best if I just talk through it.

Emotional Labor

Thank you to each and every person who stopped by to talk to me at the May Day book signing at the Book World in the Alexandria mall yesterday, and a special thank you to the manager, Dolly, for keeping me entertained at the slow times. Yesterday was coincidentally also the Sportsman's Showcase at the mall, so the aisles were crammed to bursting with crossbows, four-wheelers, camoflauge hunting suits (or whatever they're called), and people itching to outfit their lives with some new weaponry. I think I may have done better had I been signing copies of Ted Nugent's Kill It and Grill It, but you work with what you got. All in all, it was an interesting juxtaposition, and I met some very wonderful people and signed a bunch of books. By the way, if you're ever at a bookstore or a mall and there is an author there for a book signing sitting all alone trying not to look like a geek, go over and talk to him/her. You don't have to buy a book--just visit. I guarantee the author will appreciate it. Today, I'm at the Crossroads Mall (St. Cloud) Waldenbooks signing from 2:30-4:00. Hope to see you there!

Spring Inspiration

I'm off to my book signing at Alexandria Book World, but before I go, I have to share this inspirational workout video to give us all that little oomph we need to get off the couch and get in shape as the first day of spring draws nigh. Enjoy. And stop by the Viking Mall and say hi between 1-3, otherwise I'll just be sitting there looking like I'm selling cell phones.

Cheese, Diet Coke, and the Pet Shop Boys

That's what I have going on now. I am trying to get my head around the busy, busy week I've had. It started on Tuesday, when I went to the hotel room in the Cities Mr. B. had reserved for me so I would be close like a mouse to the cat when we started our whirlwind Twin Cities book tour. I enjoyed that quiet night in the hotel, watching "America's Next Top Model" (two hour block!) and eating TGIFriday's glue-like food in bed, remote control in hand.

Next morning, Mr. B. was there bright and early in his Russian mafia suit. We took IHOP by storm and then raced through bookstores near and far. May Day is "on the table" in Borders and soon will be in Barnes and Noble, which is fantastic news and makes me heart Midnight Ink more than I even did before. I felt like a dork asking to sign copies of my book, and if you know me, you know that when I feel like a dork, I become a dork, babbling and making stupid jokes. It was a good time nevertheless. People were extra nice to me when Mr. B. was around, too--I think it was the grim look on his face, the black suit, and the banana in his coat pocket.

We ended up at the (I swear to God "Rock Me Amadeus" just came on my radio--is this going to be a good day or what?) Brookdale Barnes and Noble for the official book signing, where Jan took fabulous care of me. There was not much traffic at my table, not counting my three rosy-cheeked, martini-breathed friends from Alexandria who stopped by, but I met some great people and discovered I really like Jan--she's direct and opinionated, which is my favorite kind of woman. Mr. B. and I ended up the night at the Maplewood B & N, where the seriously funniest group of women ever was meeting in the basement to pick a book for their book club. They decided to go with May Day (peer pressure rocks), and Mr. B. and I slipped out on the snow storm.

Phew. Today, I was on the radio with Tom E. Lee, who was very kind and didn't smell at all like the beef jerky he was trying to give away. I was nervous, but Kellie Tatge, the most sparkly woman you'll ever meet, inside and out, carried the day by reading a part of May Day on the air, offering catchy sound bites, and informing all of my 1-3 book signing tomorrow. Whee! If you're in the neighborhood, stop by the Viking Plaza Mall tomorrow to say "hi." I won't try to sell you anything.

Duluth Barnes & Noble

I completed my first official booksigning ever, and I'm happy to report that the Duluth Barnes & Noble was the perfect spot to do it. Jill Lyman, the Community Relations manager, had a great old, heavy wood table set in the center of the store with about 30 copies of May Day and a vase of fresh pink tulips on it. She even provided Sharpies and "Autographed Copy" stickers, and some delicious tea and water (which I shouldn't have drank; I spent much of the signing needing to pee).

There was one sort of crabby-looking woman with a crispy little tight perm who wanted to know if I was related to Becky Lourey, and when I said I thought her husband was my dad's first cousin, she pursed her lips and walked away, but otherwise, people were a little shy about approaching me and nice as could be when they got there. The few down times, Jill came over and talked to me so I wasn't just sitting there like the girl nobody wanted to dance with. Yay! The bookstore is great, too--huge, with lots of nooks and crannies. I ended up signing ten or eleven copies and getting a lot of people to register for the May Day-themed prizes. I stayed about half an hour past my scheduled time, and on the way out, Jill gave me a handwritten thank you card and a wrapped copy of a beautiful hard cover book on herbs. Gotta love Duluth.

Tomorrow, I'm heading to the Cities early to get rested up for the whirlwind, one-day Twin Cities bookstore tour, which officially begins and ends on Wednesday. Mr. B., my publicist, has kindly offered to drive me around. He said that if I act like a diva, he's going wear his underoos outside his pants, say, "I like to shop at Kmart" over and over again in a breathy little voice, and tell people he is my first cousin and our moms said I have to bring him with. Good thing I am incredibly low-maintenance, as anyone who knows me will attest to.

Books vs. Movies

I recently received the following thought-provoking question from Tom-E-Lee, Program Director and morning DJ on Z99 KXRZ:

"As movies have changed over the years in what seems to be a downward spiral where it seems quantity and not quality is important, have books suffered the same fate and if so why or why not?"

It struck a nerve, so I turned off White Chicks, Unrated and Uncut, put finger to chin, and pondered the question. My gut reaction is "no," books haven't suffered the same fate, but that might have more to do with the fact that I've always been a book snob and had really pedestrian taste in movies (My favorites: O Brother, Where Art Though?, Gone with the Wind, all the original Pink Panthers with Peter Sellers, Murder by Death, every single James Bond Movie, Jaws, Finding Nemo, the original three Star Wars, Spirited Away, and anything with Humphrey Bogart). So, I decided to do some research on the current best-selling movies and best-selling books. I html-coded the table below myself. The white space, well, that is just a free gift from a cyber-gremlin. Scroll on.

Movies	Books
1. Madea’s Family Reunion	1. THE 5TH HORSEMAN, by James Patterson*
2. 16 Blocks	2. CELL, by Stephen King
3. Eight Below	3. THE DA VINCI CODE, by Dan Brown
4. Ultraviolet	4. THE TEMPLAR LEGACY, by Steve Berry
5. Aquamarine	5. THE LAST TEMPLAR, by Raymond Khoury
6. The Pink Panther	6. THE TWO MINUTE RULE, by Robert Crais
7. Dave Chapelle’s Block Party	7. IN THE COMPANY OF THE COURTESAN, by Sarah Dunant**
8. Date Movie	8. THE OLD WINE SHADES, by Martha Grimes
9. Curious George	9. LOVERS & PLAYERS, by Jackie Collins
10. Firewall	10. SEA CHANGE, by Robert B. Parker

*Word on the street is that Patterson no longer writes his novels. He's the Carolyn Keene of our generation. He has people write the novels, I imagine he gives them some feedback, and they get published with his name, and, I think, the main authors name on the cover in much smaller print.
**The synopsis of this one is, “[a] courtesan and her friend and pimp, a dwarf, make their way in Renaissance Venice. ” I wish I were lying. It’s gotten really good reviews, so I will withhold judgment. At least, out loud judgment. Internally, I’m judging.

What strikes me about the movies is that four of the top ten are children's movies, and none of the top ten have original concepts. What strikes me about the books are:

1. There are a couple really good ones up there, and The Da Vinci Code is one of them. You could argue that it isn't an original concept as many had done it before Brown, but none as well as he.
2. Three of the top five best-selling books in the United States are about the Knights of Templar, a fact which I think reflects cultural unrest with the co-opting of Christianity for political gain and to feed the hegemon.
3. Mysteries are selling well.

Overall, comparing the top ten current bestselling books with the top ten current highest-grossing movies, one is left feeling generally uninspired, though there appear to be a little more hope in books because a novelist has a smaller group to appease than a screenwriter/actor/director before their work is available to the public. I think the more creative freedom allowed to the artist, the better the chance of the product being original and satisfying.

You know, though, if you put aside the top ten lists, which are more a reflection of marketing than artistic worth or integrity, there are a lot of fantastic, independent movies out there and exciting, original novels. So, to answer your question, Tom E. Lee, I think neither movies nor books are in a downward spiral--it's us. We're too lazy to seek out anything not directly laid in our paths, and so publishers and movie studios are taking the path of least resistance. If we make the effort to seek out what we really want to see and read, as opposed to letting our diets be decided to us, we'll all be better for it.

Feel free to argue with me. Anyone. In the meantime, tell me what your favorite books are so that readers of this blog can have some direction next time they're at the bookstore. Tell me what you like and why, and I'll pass it on!

Promoting Your First Novel

I just had an email requesting tips on promoting your novel. I'm really new to all this and making it up as I go, but I'd be happy to share what I've learned so far, in no particular order.

1. Join the Mystery Writers of America and Sisters in Crime (if you're a mystery writer--most other genre fiction has corresponding organizations). Go to their websites and their conferences to see what sort of support they can offer you and what sort of networking you can do.
Contact your state's (or local) arts council to find out what support they offer authors, financial or otherwise. The Lake Region Arts Council, through funding from the McKnight Foundation, granted me $1200 to buy promotional materials for May Day.
3. Purchase some promotional material. I've seen recommendations to spend half your advance on promo stuff, and that sounds about right, as long as half your advance is around $700-$1200. I researched promotional companies and had good luck with Inkspress, from whom I ordered calendar magnets, pens, bookmarks (their bookmarks are fabulous), and postcards. Read A Guide to Publicity for another viewpoint on promotional materials. Also, consider that your book is your best publicity tool, and your money might be better spent getting copies to interested reviewers, media outlets, and bookstores, which leads to number four...
4. ...Get your promotional materials and/or book in the right hands. I purchased the library database from the Mystery Writers of America and the Deadly Directory, as well as printed out the list of booksellers on the Independent Mystery Booksellers of America website. I sent all appropriate sources a postcard. Some of the information in the library database and Deadly Directory is outdated, so this is more like shooting with a shotgun and hoping some of the spray hits something. If you do send out postcards, make sure to put a handwritten message on each one (short is fine--I write, "Thanks for reading!") to make yours stand out from the pile. Oh--before you send out any of these postcards, make sure to talk to your publicist if you're lucky enough to have one so you're not double-dipping.
5. Order and read Shameless Promotion for Brazen Hussies.
6. Become a member of the Murder Must Advertise listserv.
7. Contact any newspapers that might be interested in your novel, its topic, or its setting. My Murder by Month series is set in Battle Lake, so I contacted the Battle Lake newspaper, as well as my local newspaper, my hometown newspaper, and the newspaper in the city where I went to college. Offer to send a review copy as well as make yourself available for an interview.
8. Contact your local radio and television stations and offer to come down for an interview. I was scared to do this at first, so I had a brave friend of mine do it. It's easy! For her. She set up a television interview, which wasn't nearly as scary as I imagined (they tape it so they can edit out things like peekaboogers, accidental swear words, and nervous tics). I also emailed a couple radio stations and set up on-air opportunities that way.
9. Call all the bookstores within reasonable driving distance (and don't forget bookstores at local colleges, if college students might be a good audience for your novel) to set up booksignings. Again, if you have a publicist, check with himmer first. I have my first book signing tomorrow, and it's my understanding that they are generally poorly attended unless you're already famous. For those of us who aren't, your main audience at a book signing is the people who work at the bookstore. Be nice to them, Fancy, and they'll be nice to you.
10. Don't do anything that seems like a really bad time for you. If you're terrified by public speaking, for example, don't agree to be a keynote speaker at a booksellers conference. If you're still reading this, writing is likely more than a hobby for you, and if you're going to make it your business, make it into one you enjoy.

Best of luck! :)

The Shark Did It

OK, I just finished Jaws (the book by Peter Benchley, not the movie), and I was disappointed. I read it on a whim because I loved the movie back in the day, and the book is always better than the movie, right? It turns out not, at least when 20-foot Great Whites are involved. The relationship between Martin Brody, the chief of police, and his wife, Ellen, is cliched (she wants to be rich, he isn't, so she cheats on him and then realizes she loves him), the "shark circling" scenes don't have near the terror that they do in the movie, and the sex scenes are flat. It's not horrible, of course--there is humor, the setting description is strong, and hey, it's got a big freakin' shark. I am glad I read it, if nothing else than for the inspiration. L'il Jaws will be appearing in Battle Lake in August Moon as a terrorizing sub-plot.

The Big Sleep

I finished Raymond Chandler's 1939 hard-boiled mystery novel, The Big Sleep. It was a fantastic read. What surprised me most was the amazingly original language. Check out this paragraph from the very first page:

"The main hallway of the Sternwood place was two stories high. Over the entrance doors, which would have let in a troop of Indian elephants, there was a broad stained-glass panel showing a knight in dark armor rescuing a lady who was tied to a tree and didn't have any clothes on but some very long and convenient hair. The knight had pushed the vizor of his helmet back to be sociable, and he was fiddling with the knots on the ropes that tied the lady to the tree and not getting anywhere. I stood there and thought that if I lived in the house, I would sooner or later have to climb up there and help him. He didn't seem to be really trying."

That's a remarkable mix of character and setting description--what Philip Marlowe notices about his surroundings, how he perceives what he sees. His eye for detail made me like him, even though he surrounds himself with weird dames (who he is pretty quick to slap if they get out of line) and ends up with a lot of guns in the end. That fabulous use of simile, metaphor, and very original show-don't-tells compelled me to read this book in a few hours, and every few pages I'd be rewarded with a sentence like, "The giggles got louder and ran around the corners of the room like rats behind the wainscoting." That sort of eye for detail gives me chills. Good stuff.

Another author, Julia Buckley, had told me that if I like Chandler I'll love Ross Macdonald, so I'll have to check that out next. Anybody else have recommendations?

Little Known Things about Publishing your First Book

1. You don't get to pick the name of the book. Your publisher trusts you to write a novel, but not a title. Actually, Midnight Ink let me keep all my original titles and is otherwise fantastic, but I've heard horror stories.
2. You don't have much, if any, say in what the cover looks like. For the cover of May Day, I asked for no skinny chicks and no faces. They met me halfway, which I later found out is incredibly generous and rare. And, in retrospect, it's a fabulous cover.
3. Most new authors don't have a publicist assigned to them. My publicist told me that, and you can either read it as truth or as "you're lucky to have me so sit down and shut up." He'd probably vote for the latter. I can be a lot of work.

This weekend, I'm reading my first Raymond Chandler book (I know--I write mysteries and I've never read Raymond Chandler)--The Big Sleep. And Jaws. If I get them done by Monday, look for reviews here! I'll let you know how Jaws ends. Duh-duhnt. Duh-duhnt. Da-duhnt da-duhnt da-duhnt. I'm also going through my first Joan Hess mystery (Maggody at something). I'm considering it all research, and if you see some hard-nosed California criminals and muskie attacks in Mira James' Battle Lake in the near future, you'll know what my inspiration was. Oooh--I like that, actually. Muskie attacks in Battle Lake. L'il Jaws.

You Know You've Made It when...

...your life's work can be bought on eBay. I'd like to point out to potential buyers that the price isn't that good, and if I were you I'd instead buy it on amazon with a couple other books (some Carl Hiaasen, maybe a little Janet Evanovich) to get free shipping. Or does eBay have no shipping and other bargains? Maybe you could get as a an eBay package May Day, French Toast not n-joyed by Justin Timberlake of N-Sync, and five cat turds. Now THAT's a bargain.

On a happy happy note, today is my son's fourth birthday. I threw him a party with family and friends present, and he announced to us all that it was "the best birthday party ever." And he has three whole other ones to compare it to. :) Happy Birthday, Xander!!!

The Winning Library!

Rae Brecht, Community Services Coordinator at the Brookings Public Library in Brookings, South Dakota, has just won a free signed copy of May Day for her library! If you are a librarian, go to my website to fill out a quick and strings-free registration form to enter your library in the March drawing to win a free copy of May Day. I'll put your name in the hat, and Christine, my blonde office mate, will draw the next winner. If you've already entered but your name hasn't yet been drawn, there is hope! You're still in the hat.

I visited Fergus Falls today for an interview with Kelly of the Fergus Falls Daily Journal. He was smart and nice and gave me helpful background info on Chief Wenonga, my favorite fiberglass Native American in the whole, wide, vast world. Isn't he hot? Thought so.