Intellectual Crack

Tuesday pm is writing night at the Lourey house. My mom drives all the way from Paynesville, Minnesota, to play with my kids so I can realize my dream of being a published novelist. Or, at least expand on that dream and meet my June 1st deadline for Knee High by July. Do you know what I'm doing instead of writing? I'm firing up the intellectual crack pipe, aka trolling the Internet. I encourage you to put down the blog now unless you want to become an addict like me, forever searching for that hit of the weird, the celebrity, the worrisome, unable to hold down a full-time job due to your ever escalating need to be online. Here's what I got:

• Awful Plastic Surgery
• Britney Sculpture of Birth (why is the most disturbing part of this entire article that the sculpture doesn't look like Britney?)
• Defamer
• God on Women

OK, I think that's enough Internet detritus. I'm quitting cold turkey. For tonight. And as long as I write ten pages for Knee High, I've met my quota and I can absolve myself of all guilt. Oh, wait. I gotta check my horoscope.

"Push aside your pride, especially when dealing with a situation that needs an immediate solution. Someone you've been avoiding can help you with your dilemma, so get rid of your ego and ask for their help."

Someone I've been avoiding? Cripes. That could be anyone. And that is a lame-o horoscope, for the record. What about love, money, and skyrocketing careers? Maybe I need to pay for the psychic love test to really get to know myself. Wait...I can get a sample birth time reading for free.

"The Inner You: Your Real Motivation. You are, in many ways, an eternal child. Your mind is bright, alert, curious, flexible, playful, and always eager for new experiences - and your attention span is often quite brief. You grasp ideas quickly and once your initial curiosity has been satisfied, you want to go on to something else. You crave frequent change, variety, meeting new situations and people. Find out more with your full-length reading..."

Hmmm. If I weren't so childlike with my firefly flicker of an attention span, I might be able to find my credit card and front for the full-length reading. Back to writing it is.