Monday, May 26, 2014

Wait--It Was ME?!?

The conversation with the Penguin editor was marvelous. She didn't have a lot of specifics to offer as far as revising The Catalain Book of Secrets, but she offered encouragement, and she was fascinating. We talked for over half an hour about our similar pasts--advanced English degrees, teaching, geeking out about books. Plus, she laughed at my jokes. Best of all? She's excited to check CBS out again when I'm done revising.

Since then, my friend Linda has jumped in to give me specific editing suggestions for CBS. She has an amazing story sensor, she's funny, and she's telling me everything the NYC acquisitions editors are telling me, only she's giving me specific ways to achieve it. (She's also telling me to slow down. If you know me, you understand.)

I've taken all her advice (every good person deserves a Linda), and you know what? CBS has always had great promise, but the NYC editors are right: it's just not there yet. It can be better.




And that's the part of writing that we don't talk about a lot, the part where the rejection maybe isn't about everyone else being a dumbass. Maybe the rejection is about our book not yet reaching it's potential. It's a fine line because you have to believe in your writing. Otherwise, what's the point?  But you have to figure out how to sift the valid criticism from the that's-not-to-my-taste-because-I'm-an-idiot criticism, and you can't just pack up your soccer ball and go home when you're hearing things you don't want to hear.

How to do that?

My answer is to surround myself with good people and astute readers, to exercise my bullshit detector (particularly when I'm the one shoveling it onto myself), and to refine that ability to feel it in my gut when my story has found its compass. I also noticed that when my book isn't quite right, I'm in a hurry to get it out there, and in a hurry to blame others and to self-publish when it's not received like I expect. When I am on track, I enjoy the revision process, and there is no rush.

If it comes down to self-publishing, it does, but I don't think that's going to happen in this case. I love this story, and I'm excited to take it to its potential. Bonus? The revision process has finally brought me to a clear logline for CBS, which is about the poison and power of secrets:

When Katrine Catalain returns from a 14-year banishment, she must confront her deepest secret and convince her sister and mother to do the same to save her family from the curse of the black-souled man.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Rejection X 2

I debated whether or not to write this post. You good people will feel compelled to reassure me and to buoy me up. I love you for it, but that's not what this post is about. It's about me being brutally honest about the bumpy journey to full-time writer in the hopes that it'll help others to navigate their own passion-finding. In honor of that, I guess I need to write this post.

The Catalain Book of Secrets, my magical realism novel, the manuscript that I love, my best writing to date, has been rejected twice in the last 12 hours. The first rejection came from Random House, the second from Penguin. The Random House editor loved it so much that she phone conferenced with me six weeks ago to ask me to make revisions so she'd have an easier time getting it through second reads. I made those changes. It wasn't enough.

The Penguin editor also loves it, but couldn't offer a contract because of "structural issues." She has asked to phone conference with me on Monday to talk about what she'd like to see changed, and to give it a second read if I'm willing to make those changes.

I am.

But I also cried this morning. And I feel like I'm fighting off the dragons of fear, and self-doubt, and what-the-fuck-already, armed only with a pen (metaphorically; my handwriting is terrible).

My good friend Terri asked me how these rejections were different than the 400+ I received in my
journey for an agent a decade ago. I told her, honestly, that those didn't sting as much because I was confident I was going to find my agent, and then my first publisher. I was right. Lately, that confidence has been morphing to something much deeper and more profound. I'm moving toward a belief in my writing, which means a belief in me regardless of what the world says.

That's a scary shift, and I'm currently in the middle of it. It feels raw, and it is a double whammy to get punched mid-transition (although, maybe it's the only way to get there; hmm...too profound. I'd have to put my big girl pants on to think that one through, and I'm not quite done feeling sorry for myself). But I love CBS, I see a way to make it even better now that the initial spank of rejection has subsided a bit, and so I move forward.

I look forward to laughing about this with all of you in a year. In the meanwhile, you know what would make me feel better? Some good, old-fashioned schadenfreude. Feel free to share any stories of rejection or extreme embarrassment. I might even be convinced to tell you about the time I accidentally asked the man with the prosthetic limb if he was armed.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

One Step

Today, I was talking (whining) to my friend Cindy about taking a year off from teaching to write. What if, I asked, I'm still not a successful writer a year from now? That would make me a double failure, and it'd be a year wasted.

Cindy is the source of one of my favorite quotes: "Be vulnerable in the act of creation, not the outcome." In other words, control what you can and let the rest go. She didn't disappoint this time, either. She shared with me her One Step plan. Here's how it looks:
  1. Pick a major life goal. For me, it's to become a full-time, New York Times bestselling author and a creative writing workshop leader. For you, it might be traveling the globe, or eating healthier, or to stop controlling people (shit--I want those, too.)
  2. Complete one step a day toward achieving that goal. This could take you five minutes (clean out a shelf in your office to make space for an idea box, stand up and take a short walk, write an unexpected thank you card to someone) or five hours (read a book on the craft you want to learn, update your resume, sign up for a class).
That's it. Take One Step toward your goal every day for the next 365 days. At the end of the year, there's no way you're a failure. You're either there, or closer, but definitely wiser.

Also, try to laugh more and maybe drink wine with clever people. (I added those. See how I have to control things?)

Friday, May 09, 2014

The Countdown

May 19, 2014. May 19, 2014. May 19, 2014.

It's the day I officially become a full-time writer, in name if not in paycheck.

I made the decision on April 15, 2014. I was at my desk, doing the job I'd been doing for 17 years and being paid well for it. It's an important job--teaching--and the hours are great, but on that cloudy day, I realized I couldn't do it anymore. Part of that is due to the people I work for. While my fellow faculty and staff are for the most part wonderful, my administration is short-sighted and fear-based. It's an environment in which you survive rather than thrive, and that's not how I want to live my life.

The larger reason, though, is that my writing is calling to me. That sounds corny and weird, and it might be, a little bit. But here's the deal: I'm lucky enough to have a passion in this life, and I know what it is. It's writing. I complain and hem and haw every day when I sit down to it, but once I get started, I know I'm in the right place at the right time. Every single time. If I go a couple days without writing, something in my world feels off. It's time for me to honor that gift.

This is terrifying. I landed my first "real" job when I was 15 years old, slinging cones at the Dairy Queen, and I've been gainfully employed since. I come from solid German stock who find their worth in hard, measurable work (with some Irish thrown in to keep it interesting). I'm a single mom and have been the sole provider for my kids for their entire lives. One is 15 and one is 12, and I don't want my passion to cost them.

But it's time. The good news is that I can refinance my house and we can live comfortably off of that money for a year, though I hate debt, and it rankles to add to it. Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, we'll have access to health insurance. I also have a manuscript out on submission that has nibbles from three of the Big Five, but they've been nibbling for weeks now, and I worry that the worm is long gone.

I've made up my mind, however. May 19, 2014 is the day. No more excuses.

Trust.