I debated whether or not to write this post. You good people will feel compelled to reassure me and to buoy me up. I love you for it, but that's not what this post is about. It's about me being brutally honest about the bumpy journey to full-time writer in the hopes that it'll help others to navigate their own passion-finding. In honor of that, I guess I need to write this post.
The Catalain Book of Secrets, my magical realism novel, the manuscript that I love, my best writing to date, has been rejected twice in the last 12 hours. The first rejection came from Random House, the second from Penguin. The Random House editor loved it so much that she phone conferenced with me six weeks ago to ask me to make revisions so she'd have an easier time getting it through second reads. I made those changes. It wasn't enough.
The Penguin editor also loves it, but couldn't offer a contract because of "structural issues." She has asked to phone conference with me on Monday to talk about what she'd like to see changed, and to give it a second read if I'm willing to make those changes.
I am.
But I also cried this morning. And I feel like I'm fighting off the dragons of fear, and self-doubt, and what-the-fuck-already, armed only with a pen (metaphorically; my handwriting is terrible).
My good friend Terri asked me how these rejections were different than the 400+ I received in my
journey for an agent a decade ago. I told her, honestly, that those didn't sting as much because I was confident I was going to find my agent, and then my first publisher. I was right. Lately, that confidence has been morphing to something much deeper and more profound. I'm moving toward a belief in my writing, which means a belief in me regardless of what the world says.
That's a scary shift, and I'm currently in the middle of it. It feels raw, and it is a double whammy to get punched mid-transition (although, maybe it's the only way to get there; hmm...too profound. I'd have to put my big girl pants on to think that one through, and I'm not quite done feeling sorry for myself). But I love CBS, I see a way to make it even better now that the initial spank of rejection has subsided a bit, and so I move forward.
I look forward to laughing about this with all of you in a year. In the meanwhile, you know what would make me feel better? Some good, old-fashioned schadenfreude. Feel free to share any stories of rejection or extreme embarrassment. I might even be convinced to tell you about the time I accidentally asked the man with the prosthetic limb if he was armed.
The Catalain Book of Secrets, my magical realism novel, the manuscript that I love, my best writing to date, has been rejected twice in the last 12 hours. The first rejection came from Random House, the second from Penguin. The Random House editor loved it so much that she phone conferenced with me six weeks ago to ask me to make revisions so she'd have an easier time getting it through second reads. I made those changes. It wasn't enough.
The Penguin editor also loves it, but couldn't offer a contract because of "structural issues." She has asked to phone conference with me on Monday to talk about what she'd like to see changed, and to give it a second read if I'm willing to make those changes.
I am.
But I also cried this morning. And I feel like I'm fighting off the dragons of fear, and self-doubt, and what-the-fuck-already, armed only with a pen (metaphorically; my handwriting is terrible).
My good friend Terri asked me how these rejections were different than the 400+ I received in my
That's a scary shift, and I'm currently in the middle of it. It feels raw, and it is a double whammy to get punched mid-transition (although, maybe it's the only way to get there; hmm...too profound. I'd have to put my big girl pants on to think that one through, and I'm not quite done feeling sorry for myself). But I love CBS, I see a way to make it even better now that the initial spank of rejection has subsided a bit, and so I move forward.
I look forward to laughing about this with all of you in a year. In the meanwhile, you know what would make me feel better? Some good, old-fashioned schadenfreude. Feel free to share any stories of rejection or extreme embarrassment. I might even be convinced to tell you about the time I accidentally asked the man with the prosthetic limb if he was armed.
So today we are reminded that we need umbrellas.
ReplyDeleteNot to stop the rain but to gain a moment to see the path without blurred vision.
Umbrellas! And wine and chocolate and yoga pants.
DeleteWait, you have a phone conference scheduled for Monday with Penguin? Yipee!
ReplyDeleteHa! You are super cute, Dustin. Thank you for a different, and important, perspective.
DeleteJust last Friday I went into one of the bathrooms at school, did my business, and came out to see a male employee washing his hands. I hadn't seen him in a while and was just ready to ask a question when I suddenly realized it was odd to see him in the woman's bathroom. Except it wasn't the woman's bathroom. Whoops. Apparently this reading teacher can't be bothered to read simple bathroom signs.
ReplyDeleteHa! That is HILARIOUS. And to be fair, those man/woman symbols look a lot alike.
DeleteOK, here it goes: My daughter entered a stem/gem contest and assumes she won't get into the program because, despite the fact the council promised to tell all of the girls what they thought of their findings, the entire organization seems to have gone belly up.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest won't get to have Fun Friday at recess (too long to get into, but I assure you this is devastating) because his entire class is being punished for the actions of one classmate who is too smart to be caught, but not smart enough to realize that drawing a picture of your teacher and calling her 'stoopid' will not end well.
I submitted my first three chapters of a wip in the hopes of winning a grant to attend some writing classes. I have since found out that, not only did I not get it, no one got it. The submissions this year weren't strong enough and I'm not sure if that makes me feel worse or better.
Another child of mine pointed out that we may be mildly cursed. I'm going to doubt that for right now.
I am, however, going to go to at least one class that MWA is teaching, which I've been told would have been my best bet anyways. :)
Sarah H.
When it rains, it pours! But you hang onto your wisdom through it all. You're definitely going to want to attend an MWA-University this year: http://mysterywriters.org/mwa-university/about-mwa-university/.
DeleteMy first novel was rejected by many more publishers than even exist today. Later, after a couple successful books, the first one was happily published by one of those who initially rejected it. Keep that manuscript in your desk drawer, and it will likely see the light of day.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain (to quote a famous President)!
ReplyDeleteI too have had the Book of my Heart loved by editors at major New York houses, yet rejected on some crazy basis. The reasons have included "we have a similar book on the Fall list already," "the committee thought some of the references to magic or witchcraft might offend the mainstream public who is against the occult (!)," and "I laughed out loud on almost every page, but we don't believe that humor sells well, and this would probably be classed as chick lit, which is dead and no longer sells." Frustrating! I wish you far better luck with tomorrow's phone conference!
(I have made revisions to order for two agents and three editors. None of those "turned out the way we expected," according to those pros, even though I followed their instructions explicitly and they agreed there wasn't anything they'd do differently--they just "still didn't get the feeling that I need to have" from the book. Sigh! Rending of garments! It is so much better now that writers have an indie path and that self-publishing is no longer the terrible shame it was only a few years ago.
Shalanna, that sounds so frustrating! It sounds like you landed on your feet, though. Is your book self-pubbed, and if so, is it available for purchase?
ReplyDelete