I checked the ranking of May Day on amazon.com today, which takes the term obsessive/compulsive to new levels given that the book isn't technically published yet. Wait, I need to get some antibacterial wipes real quick. OK, I'm back. May Day is ranked as #433,452 in Books on amazon.com. I thought it'd be funny to check out the "classics" by the "great writers" of America and give them a Minnesota mystery smackdown in amazon.com rankings because who freakings reads Herman Melville anymore? Um, lots of people. Here is the list of dead white men who kick my ass:
- Great Short Works of Herman Melville
#170,177 in Books - Collected Novels of Nathaniel Hawthorne
#199,446 in Books - The Way to Wealth, by Benjamin Franklin
#5,308 in Books (What the?!?) - Mark Twain: Four Complete Novels
#17,475 in Books
That's enough of that game. Wait. My not-yet-released book is also being outsold by Haikus for Jews : For You, a Little Wisdom (#72,484 in Books, which means it is wildly outselling both Hawthorne and Melville and should probably receive an honorary mention in the canon) and The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook (#150,545 in Books). Here's an excerpt:
*GRANDPA FELL (To "Jingle Bells")
Lying in the snow
With his bourbon at his side
Grandpa's moving slow
Mouth hung open wide
Eyes like soft-boiled eggs
A-searching for his drink
He cannot move his legs and things are getting bad I think
Oh! Grandpa fell, Grandpa fell, Grandpa fell down drunk
Oh how sad to see the geezer freeze into a chunk!
It's a wonder more people don't get into this rewarding career of writing. Follow your dreams.
When May Day is a smash and the royalty checks start rolling in, please consider using some of the funds for therapy. 'Cause, y'know, you're a little weird.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, "Dead White Men Who Kick My Ass" would be the greatest name for your autobiography.