In breaking news, I just found out that you can sue for bad and/or misleading dates. I've never hired a matchmaker, so I think I'll just go straight to the source and sue the guys/post-operative transsexuals with whom I had the dates (actually, the post-operative transsexual was very nice and a good conversationalist, but he really should have told me before the date that he was born a woman).
Cripes, I'm going to have to start making a list. I bet I could get $50,000 from the blind date who peed on the 15th hole of the mini golf course (in his defense, there was a rushing waterfall there which was hard to resist; against his defense, pee runs downhill, especially on Astroturf, so a real gentleman would have urinated at the bottom and not the top of the rise).
And I'm sure I could clear a cool 100 Gs for the foreign exchange student who stalked me after one date, finally cornering me outside my apartment building and shoving a size eight pair of women's brown suede ankle boots and telling me he was going to leave the country and could I just give him my social security number in case he needed to get a hold of me? Hmmm. I might be too busy to blog in the next few days...cha ching...
In the meanwhile, keep the great song ideas coming. They are chillingly brilliant in their ability to capture the feel of the central Minnesota wedding dance. Love in an Elevator, the extended version? I Knew the Bride before She Used to Rock n Roll? Yes. Bring it on.
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