The Real Me--Strap in

I am changing the name of this blog because you know what? I'm no longer comfortable tiptoeing around the real me for fear of offending someone--potential readers, current readers, Facebook friends, Twitter followers, neighbors, maybe you.

Interestingly, it is my INCREDIBLY uncomfortable Kickstarter campaign (the vulnerability of asking for help slays me) that has made me realize how much I censor myself in my daily life. I'm not talking about being unkind or insensitive to others--I don't condone either. I'm talking about overthinking everything I say or write for fear of accidentally offending someone, of shaving off my edges so no one is ruffled, of being bland and funny and helpful. It's time to finally let my whole lovely-ugly self out there, to take up some more space in this world, to follow my passion and be myself--respectfully, happily, messily.

Cuz you know what?

1. I'm a little bit raunchy. I like to swear. Fuck. See? I liked typing that. Fuckity fuck.

2. I'm regularly inappropriate. For example, the other day, my son asked if he could buy Axe body spray. I said, "No, because it'll shrink your testicles." He's 12. He was horrified, but he didn't question me. I call that good parenting (that stuff smells like the inner thighs of musk oxen if they were crammed on a sun-cooked bus packed with Mediterranean playboys), but it might make others squeamish. So I didn't post it on Facebook, but I've been dying to share it with someone . That someone is you, if you decide to stick around here in my house.

3. I'm a liberal. And a feminist. I shy away from posting anything political because I'm a Minnesotan, I don't want to silence people or give the impression I know everything, I don't want people to be mean to me or shun me, and I think that social media is not the forum for nuanced political conversations. But I'm about as liberal as they come, and I'm gonna let it leak through--I support civil rights including gay marriage, I like clean air and healthy food, I believe in investing in people rather than corporations, and I think every mentally healthy person wants to be a productive member of society and take care of themselves and their family, and so I believe everyone should get *at least* as many opportunities as I have to live where they want to live, take out a loan, be considered for a job on their merits rather than gender or race or sexuality, have access to quality education. All that good stuff. I also enjoy informed disagreement (my friends and family do not all share my opinions) and am fine with the "I don't knows." Unsupervised ignorance, though? Makes me rage.

4. I think I'm a good writer and sometimes, a great one. My first few published books are spotty, but I keep reading, and working, and listening, and I'm getting better with each novel I write. I am really, really proud of that, and I'm going to stop apologizing for May Day's rickety plotting, or the fact that I love to write funny, semi-romantic mysteries (among other stuff).

5. I have self-published one book and will be self-publishing another. I need your help with the second one, and I would love if you would visit my Kickstarter page, donate if you can, send good thoughts my way if you can't, and share in either case. And those of you who have contributed? I am humbled by your generosity, embarrassed by how much it's affected me (that's not the right reaction, I know, but it's the truth), and driven to a level of personal evolution that I couldn't have gotten to without you. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. I had no idea what I was signing up for with this Kickstarter campaign. I knew it was the only way to get this book I love to the audience it deserves, but it's become so, so much more.

6. And re: the self-publishing, I'm tired of being ashamed of that. If you ask, I'll *always* tell you to try the traditional route with your book before self-publishing. It's the most surefire way to build your credibility and your audience. But if traditional publishers reject you, and you believe in that book, you should get it professionally edited, get some professional reviews, and get it out there. It's not only okay, it'd be a crime if you didn't. Indie artists across mediums are producing amazing stuff. (But definitely, try the traditional route first. If you're not sure how, email me at jesslourey@yahoo.com, and I'll send you my two-page handout with info and links.) So, no more apologies from me for self-pubbing, no more shame.

7. My sense of humor is not always kosher. I sometimes think weird things are funny. Weird, horrible things like the photo of two action figure GI Joes perched on the corpse of a roadkill squirrel.

8. I am not religious but I am spiritual. I'm pretty far from having this one figured out, but what it means for this blog is that I will treat other people as I would like to be treated (see #3 above), and I might sometimes post about meditating or gratitude or positive visualization and looking for (and seeing) magic on a regular basis--my daughter's gorgeous smile, the light shining through lemon-colored fall leaves, my son choosing being kind over being right, dreaming about someone from high school one night and seeing them for the first time in ten years the next day, that sort of thing.

9.  I LOVE the sharing of ideas, discussions, learning things I didn't know. For example, in the next two weeks, I'm excited to research writing from multiple POVs, Kindle's new Scout crowdsharing model, the different fiction genres, to prologue or not to prologue, and more, and share it all here. But I'd be even more excited if you read it and added what you know in the comments section so it's not just a one-way street. That goes for everything I post, including the more personal stuff. I much, much prefer a discussion to a lecture.

10. Some days, I'm crabby, uninspired, and scared. Scared that I'll have to go back to teaching full-time under a soul-sucking administration, worried that people will see right through me and turn away, afraid that whatever spark it is that keeps me wanting to tell stories and write books will disappear, and I'll feel lost. This means that I won't always be funny or interesting. (My funny is like a dial-up superpower rather than a wifi one.)

So yeah. I'm going to let it all hang out on this blog from here on out. That's what's gonna happen in Jessie's House. I'm a good cook and conversationalist and will make sure everyone knows they are welcome, but I'm going to be myself, and I'd love if you'd do the same. If you'd rather not join me in all of the above, that's okay, too. The beauty of me being myself is it releases you to do the same, without guilt.

p.s. One more thing--I like to be called Jessie. I published my mysteries under "Jess Lourey" because that sounded snappy and catchy, and I regret it. All my future books will be published under "Jessica Lourey." This is a stupid career decision because I may confuse my audience, but it's what I meant to do all along, and so I'm going to make it right now. But when you and I are hanging out? I prefer Jessie.