The Juiciest Rejections

Last May, I took a one-year, unpaid leave of absence from my teaching job to write full-time. This was a big leap for me. I've worked one job since I was fourteen, at least two jobs at a time since I was 18. I based a lot of my identity on being a college professor, and honestly, if I hadn't been working for such a soul-sucking administration, I might not have had the courage to leave that place even though I knew I was supposed to be writing. This unpaid leave required refinancing my house, cutting spending drastically, and moving at a slower pace. Going into it, I was scared. I'm the single mom of two kids, and I've grown accustomed to food.

Plus, what if I failed?

And it's funny, because I just did. Big-time. You see, a lot of this leave of absence was predicated on the hope that The Catalain Book of Secrets would be picked up. It wasn't that I was confident so much as that was how the dream was supposed to go: you take the leap, the net appears. Only a fool would jump otherwise.

But no net appeared, at least not one that looked like I expected it to. The book was turned down (see below for the most awesome of the rejections). As a result, I'm going to self-publish. Even more exciting (if that word means "terrifying in a naked, vulnerable sort of way"), I'm going live with a Kickstarter campaign that would allow me to professionally publish and market the book. Look for the campaign to launch tomorrow, October 1, and the book to hit shelves January 1, 2015.

And who knows how that will turn out?

(I do. It turns out well. Really, really well. Because four months into this experiment on following my passion, I'm finding out that it's not about selling the book, or reaching some pinnacle of writing, though I am aiming directly for both of those. It's about cultivating the sort of peace that you can only find when following your dreams. It's about not having to choose between writing and helping my kids with homework. It's about waking up every morning thinking, "I am never going to regret how I spend this day. Never.")

Thanks for listening.

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“Thank you so much for sending THE CATALAIN BOOK OF SECRETS by Jessica Lourey my way…I spent a long time thinking about this one. What struck me was how well Lourey handles the hallmarks of magical realism, from when we first see Ursula mixing a potion to when Jasmine admits to taking anti-depressants, to keep the family, the memories, and the magic at bay. I was surprised to see this was a first venture into magical realism, as I felt these instances beautifully heightened the tangle of these women’s feelings--I understood how their relationship and attitudes towards magic reflects their greatest hopes and fears. Unfortunately…”   

--Simon & Schuster editor, 5/19/14

“…I just want to reiterate that I think Jess is a wonderful writer, and I love the voice of this book and the family of strong, lovely, vibrant women she has created in the Catalains. Everyone here was in total agreement on that, and we came very close to making an offer. But (and I hate that there is a but)…”

--Random House editor, 7/14/14

“Thanks so much for sending me Jessie’s revised work.  I think she did a terrific job and the changes she’s made have absolutely improved her book. However, despite her great work, I just wasn’t able to get full support for this.  (Almost every person who read this really loved it—but it wasn’t quite unanimous.) I am sorry that we weren’t able to come together on this.  I really enjoyed Jessie’s work.  I’m quite sure you’ll sell this elsewhere—I’d love to hear where it goes.”

--Penguin editor, 8/8/2014

Kickstarting My Writing Career

You heard, right? The Catalain Book of Secrets, the novel of my dreams, the book that took me 12 years to finish, the best thing I've ever written, was ultimately rejected by the nearly 20 publishers my agent sent it to. The rejections were loving, supportive, but rejections nonetheless.

Sigh.

In light of this, I went public with my decision to self-publish. I LOVE this book. Better than that, it healed me, and I want to share that with others. Then came the plot twist. When I posted my self-pub declaration to Facebook last week, Matthew Clemens, a dear friend and brilliant writer and book doctor, quietly messaged me and suggested I bring the self-pub campaign to Kickstarter.

You know, Kickstarter. The crowdfunding site that has raised millions for creative projects. Or, as we in Minnesota call it, "beggar's row." That's right, I hate asking people for money. Hate, hate, hate it. I was raised to be independent, and worse, to see asking for help as a weakness.

So, I quietly and not-so-quietly asked people I respected for their opinions. And you know what, 95% of them told me to go for it. The other 5% were supportive of me but worried what sort of image I would project to the world--needy or worse, greedy. I took all that loving feedback to heart and decided to create my campaign. I know I can do a basic self-pubbing job without crowdfunding, but I simply don't have the financial means to professionally design, market, or distribute the book without outside help. Also, it was pointed out to me that Kickstarter is a great way to build early buzz around my book.

It took me an hour to set up the Kickstarter page, and two days to make the video supporting my project. I'll go live with it on October 1, and my goal is to raise $12,056 by Halloween. In my next post, I'll go into more detail on my budget and rewards, but for now, you know what I learned while making the video?

My aversion to Kickstarter wasn't really about asking other people for money, though that's not my favorite thing to do. It was really about two things: 1) sharing the incredibly personal story of how The Catalain Book of Secrets came to be, and 2) confronting the fear of what it means to take this sort of ownership--the type where I ask hardworking everypeople to give up something that they value on my behalf--of my writing. It's one thing to write a book, and I've got no problem with shopping it to publishers. It's their job after all to support (or not) writers. And once the book is published, that cover on the outside serves as validation and protection against the slings and arrows most art receives.

But to ask people to invest in my tender, shivering manuscript? That means that I have to believe in myself 100% because I can't ask you to do for me what I'm not willing to do for myself.

Terrifying.

Exposing a deeply personal story on top of that? Waking nightmare.

And so, my job between now and the time my Kickstarter campaign goes live in seven days is to work through the jungle of fear and find the courage to put myself out there like I've never done before.

Wish me luck. Please.

(Side note: I am not made for television. The outtakes of my Kickstarter video are below. Argh.)