A Wedding Dance It Is

Thank you for the brilliant wedding dance idea, Cindy! That will be the short story I write--a murder at the wedding dance. And thank you, chelty, for the suggestion of adding a brand new husband too embarassed to dance with his wife, and thank you, Barbara, for suggesting the chicken dance. It is all coming together. Now tell me, please, what is some horrible yet not unexpected music for a wedding dance at a Minnesota resort? "You Shook Me All Night Long?" "Love Hurts?" ...more?

(As a side note, I was going to write a "locked pontoon" short story, which would be a variation on the classic "locked room" mystery, but I just wasn't clever enough. I'll keep working on it.)

Oh, and the resort has to be a Battle Lake resort just because it has to. And because I want Mrs. Berns to crash the wedding dance. Anybody know which Battle Lake resort might have a cow pasture right next to it? It has to actually be ON West Battle Lake. I can't mention the name of the resort in the short story, but I can mention the lake it's on. Which one would you pick?

And do tell, Mr. B. What happened in Itasca?

Publish Your Short Story

The Minnesota Crime Wave, three excellent mystery writers, are taking submissions for their next anthology. See below:

"Following the success of its first publishing venture, Silence of the Loons, The Minnesota Crime Wave has announced a sequel to the criminous anthology. The new volume, to be titled Resort to Murder, is planned for release in late summer, 2007. The anthology will be published by Nodin Press of Minneapolis, known for its fine carefully designed books in many fields.

Eligible authors must have been professionally published in any genre and must be living in Minnesota. Stories must be set at a real Minnesota resort, although the actual name of the resort may not be used. Authors must tell the Crime Wave which Minnesota resort they intend to use as their setting to avoid duplications. All stories much contain at least one murder and will range from 1,000 to 7,500 words in length. Contracts and payment of $100 will be issued upon acceptance of each story.

Spokesbabe Ellen Hart said, 'This is a great opportunity for authors in other genres who want to try crime fiction.' 'We'll be looking for strong motivation, suspense and interesting characters,' commented William Kent Krueger. 'And don't forget pace and good description,' added Carl Brookins.

The crime wave trio, mystery authors all, has pledged their usual strong efforts to promote the anthology once it is released. The Minnesota CrimeWave has become known for its compelling costumed presentations to audiences at bookstores, libraries and other venues across the country. For more information, contact The Minnesota Crime Wave at:MinnesotaCrimeWave@yahoo.com."

So, if you're a published Minnesotan, you should write a short story. Actually, I should write a short story because this sounds like it's right up my alley, but I have a thing about short stories. And poems. I can't write 'em. Maybe it's time to shake that off. Any plot kernels for me, Mr. B.? Holly? Anyone? A murder at a resort...cripes, I have writer's block.

Which means I'm going to Google myself, which is my favorite work avoidance activity, next to researching which movie stars have gotten plastic surgery. Check this out:

Lourey, Jess: May Day
Lourey, Jess: May Day,Conservative,Book Club,Reagan,Homeschool,Human Events,Eagle Publishing,Religion,Politics,Republican,History,Biographies,National ...
www.forbesbookclub.com/BookPage.asp?prod_cd=IVEVA - 15k -

Ha! That's irony. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things, doesn't belong...OK, I'm taking the kids to get some culture in Alexandria. Hope to see you there!

Take My Johnny Holm, Please...

Celebrate the Awake the Lakes Festival in beautiful Alexandria, Minnesota, (birthplace of America!) this weekend. Please. I have two tickets to Johnny Holm that I won on the radio yesterday (see previous posting), and I'd like to give them away to some lucky somebody. To be eligible to win, you need to post as a comment to this blog the story of your first kegger, or your first drinking-something-mixed-with-Koolaid-whilst-standing-in-a field party, or first-kiss-in-a-small-town, in 500 words or less. Best story wins two free tickets to the magical Johnny Holm performance, this Saturday.

And if you're an out-of-towner, come early for the fun! Friday there are fireworks, hunks of cooked animal flesh, and Big John Dickerson. Saturday is the Heritage Fest, during which you can get a side of chips and salsa with your lutefisk and listen to the Marv Nissel Family Band. Ah, diversity in west central Minnesota. I love this stuff. And I will be there, with my kids and a big smile on my face.

If you come, I think you'll find Alexandria easy to get to and hard to leave (like Battle Lake, except with less irony). First, though, you must enter to win these Johnny Holm tickets. As anyone who has seen this mellifluous musician perform his Pied Piper-esque rock-n-roll will tell you, this is not an opportunity to be missed. So share your best summer in a small town story, and give me fodder for another book.

And congratulations to Jenn the librarian, who won yesterday's trivia contest and so has a Nut Goodie hurtling through snail mail to her. Thank you for the Johnny Holm link, Jenn. Can you believe I spelled his name wrong?!? And I call myself a Minnesotan.

It's My Birthday...

...and I'll eat pie? get high? say goodbye? try to fly? hire a super spy? cry if I want to. I turn 36 at 7:36 pm (Pacific Time) today, and here's what I know for sure: I won the trivia question on z99 this morning, sandwiched between the song "Complicated" and that new Kelly Clarkson tune that I'm trying not to like but is so overplayed that I don't know if I'll be able to fight the good fight much longer. Here was the question:

"What 1968 movie was the first to star a computer?"

Holly and Mr. B., I know you know it, so you can't answer. And neither can anyone else whom I know or knows me. But if you are a stranger to me, you can answer that question on my blog for a chance to win a Nut Goodie. I'll send it to you. I'm serious. And, if you live close to Alexandria, Minnesota, and answer that question in my blog before Friday, I'll send you the two tickets to the Johnny Holmes concert that I won on the radio. Again, serious. Oh, and I just tried to find you a link to Johnny Holmes, for those of you who aren't from Minnesota and don't know of this perennial, ageless tourer and creator to the soundtrack of many a Minnesotan gal's first kiss/introduction to beer in a plastic glass (why do those two always go together?), but apparently he shares a name with a famous porn star so I've given up. OH wait, I've found an excellent link that gives you a little snapshot of Johnny Holmes' target audience. Is it legal to use Thoreau to justify not calling your makeover/gossip/bridesmaid friends?

I also won two KFC bowls along with the Johnny Holmes tickets, but I'm keeping the bowl coupons to satisfy my gruesome curiousity. The KFC bowl sounds like gnarly shepherd's pie, and I can't believe it exists. Tom-E Lee on the radio was having a tough time making them sound edible ("potatoes! and gravy! corn! fried chicken! and a cheese blend! all in one bowl?), but not for lack of trying.

Does anyone remember Clucky the Chicken from Saturday Night Live ("They're gonna kill me and fry me up! I love it!")? KFC's social responsibility commitment reminds me of that. Yum! I love a good commitment to animal welfare, with a side of jojos, please.

OK, that's about it, except I took that online IQ test (to make sure I still got it), and here's what I know:

"Congratulations, Jessica!Your IQ score is 127

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. "

That's a 127, Mr. B. The gauntlet has been thrown down (and thank you for the cyber cake).

Kevin Likes My Blog

Check out the email I just got from Kevin Douglas:

>>>>
Hello Jess,

I have been reading your blog for quite a while now, and I must say that you are doing a terrific job. I intent to promote a novel titled "street Fame"-an urban tale, via the internet, and I figured out that using a blog would be the best way to go. I therefore humbly request you if it's possible to use your blog as a good platform to promote this book. All it takes is to add our book's banner on your blog and in return we also add your blog's link/logo on our blog ( http://howdoyoulikeyourspam). I believe this will go a long way to benefit both of us in relation to our blogs/sites. How does that sound? Let me know the possibility so that we can add your link/logo on our blog. The code of our logo is:
>>>>>>

Isn't that nice? I don't know Kevin, but he has been following my blog for quite a while now. Kevin, what is it that you like most about my blog? Kevin? Um, Kevin?

Enough of that. I have a link for you to follow, but it's not for kids. Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books? Well then, be prepared to see some familiar covers with very different titles. Be sure to scroll through them all. The first page is OK but they get better the farther you go. Thanks, Mr. B.

Also, yesterday I read Live Bait, by the mother/daughter team of PJ and Tracy Lambrecht, and I enjoyed it every way but Sunday. The pacing and character development are excellent, it has some nice surprises, and the dialogue is off the chart fantastic. My only complaint is that "Willmar" was spelled wrong (the book is set in Minnesota), but I bet that was some editor's mistake, and not the author's. And you know, if that's the worst you can say about a mystery novel, that's pretty dang good. Read it. You won't regret it.

Dance, Book Clubs, and Gynecologists

Ah, the trifecta of life.

OK, first for dance. Two people have sent this to me, and so I am sending it to you. It's cute! It's the evolution of dance.

On to the book club and gynecologists. I was invited to speak at an Alexandria book club, which had May Day as their May pick. The book club meeting was held at a gorgeous, tastefully decorated house on a local golf course. There were strawberries dipped in chocoloate, stuffed mushrooms, and delicious wine. I was the first one there, and then the women started filing in--a reporter from the local newspaper, some teachers, a few doctors, and then, all of a sudden, there was my gynecologist.

Usually, when I'm at a party, I'm the only one there who has seen me naked. You can bank on it. But, not Wednesday.

The shock of seeing my gynecologist in civilian clothes in this immaculate house where I was about to come under the microscope of a baker's dozen of slightly tipsy professional women, who had all come to discuss my "a-little-bit-raunchy" chick lit mystery, caused me to hiss under my breath, "That woman has seen my vagina!"

Apparently, gynecologists, like mothers, dogs, and teachers, have supernatural hearing, and she turned in my direction and said, "It must have been normal, because I don't remember it." Ha! That's a great line. My gynecologist is funny. The rest of the night was a good time, though there was much more talk about life than May Day, which is the way it should be. Oh, and they liked the book. :) They were kind enough to compare my writing style to Janet Evanovich's!!! Whee.

Have a great weekend.

Apologies for the Light Blogging

Phew. Is anybody else out there really busy this time of year? Tomorrow is the last day of the semester at Alex Tech, so I am busily reading and grading mountainous stacks of papers. For the most part, it is gratifying to see the learning that has taken place over the semester, and I have a good group of students who are at college for all the right reasons (beer!). Not beer. An education. But this is also the time of the semester when the "there are no stupid questions" line is shown to be the flaming ball of crap that it is. Phew.

Because today's blog is so lame, I am providing you a laughter surrogate. Watch out--it's sharp.

Tomorrow, I am the invited guest at an Alexandria book club. I'm excited! Wine, and ladies who have read May Day. Wait. Maybe that's scary. Will report.

In the meanwhile, what is the stupidest question you've ever been asked?

June Bug Cover!

I just received the sketch of the June Bug cover. It's superfun! Thank you, Lisa Novak and Midnight Ink, for your great sensibilities. I also finished pumping up June Bug last night--I paid a freelance editor $5 a page to criticize me, and she earned every penny--and you know, I'm really proud of that book. It's got it all--mystery, love, humor, suspense. I can't wait for you to read it!

Anyhow, Lisa sketches the cover (and she's great), and then Midnight Ink hires another person to polish it up, so the cover that ends up being on June Bug when it comes out next March may not look exactly like what you see to the right, but it's where we're starting. I especially like that Mira has "Last Resort" stamped to her rear in the picture. You'll have to read the book to find out what that means.

On to my new favorite typo, printed this week in a local Minnesota newspaper:

"Seventeen high school thesbians will stage the award-winning comedy, 'You Can't Take It With You,' this weekend in the school auditorium...The thesbians were scheduled to perform the play in April, but it was delayed until May."

I'm pretty sure that thesbians are women who like women with speech impediments, and I think it's fantastic that greater Minnesota is opening its hearts, minds, and stages to a variety of lifestyles. Is that a kick-ass typo, or what? That knocks the woman who wrote, in her cover letter applying for an English instructor position, "It is my goal to leave my job in the private sector and become a pubic worker, where I can touch many more people," right off the top of my all-time, favorite typos list.

Have a great weekend!

Battle Lake

On Saturday, my friend Christine, my son, Xander (little man with the barbed wire tattoo on the left), and I all road-tripped to Battle Lake, Minnesota. My goal was to drop off gift bags with review copies of May Day to all the local businesses. The Village Apothecary is already carrying it, and they sold out of their first 20 copies quickly, so yay! One Fine Day, the local coffee/gift shop (and the place I got the kernel of the idea for the fictional Fortune Cafe in the Murder by Month series), will now be carrying it, as will the art gallery. The deal with the art gallery is that I have to volunteer there four days this summer as a trade-off, which is just fine because it's important to me to support the arts and the community. Or, I have a crush on the pharmacist (he's cute, funny, AND has troughs of Valium--it's always good to make new friends), and his business is just up the street from the gallery.

Also, Xanadu Island Bed and Breakfast, the inspiration for the fictionalized lost diamond mystery in June Bug, has requested a review copy of May Day. They're thinking of slapping their resort's information in the front cover and selling copies in their gift store. What a fantastic way for them to spread the word about their great resort, eh? Next time you're in the Battle Lake area, check out Xanadu. It's everything they promise.

In more good news, the Praire Renaissance Cultural Center in Morris, Minnesota, will soon be carrying May Day. I am amazed (and happy) at all the support out there for Minnesota artists!

And here's my parting thought for the day, via a fellow teacher whose students gave a presentation on whether or not sexual education should be offered in high schools (yes, some people believe it is debatable). From a student arguing that sex ed should NOT be taught in high schools: "It's human nature, so why do we have to talk about it?!?" Hee hee. I love that. It's so Minnesotan.

BPW

Big Plaid Waders? Best Pre-dawn Watermelon? British People are Well-turned? No, it's Business and Professional Women, and don't be fooled by their website. They're wild, funny, and smart. I rename them Best Prepared Wildwomen, and they don't even have to change their monogrammed jackets. Anyhow, I was invited by the Minnesota President of BPW, Connie Hill, to give a lunchtime presentation at the state BPW convention at Arrowwood last Friday, and I had a wonderful time. They were the best audience ever and bought 32 copies of May Day! I so enjoyed their company that I joined BPW today. I am officially a business and professional woman...

...which is a great segue to my next point. I had to buy tampons at the gas station yesterday, and I waited until the female checker was free instead of going into the male checker's line, which was much shorter. Why this ridiculous behavior?!?! It was about five years ago that I became comfortable buying toilet paper from any gender, but still not so much with the female hygiene products I guess. How old do I have to be before that is no big deal? Probably when I hit menopause, which is ironic.

Mystery Scene Magazine and the April Library Winner

May Day has just this week gotten a positive review in Mystery Scene, which IS the mystery scene, so that's very exciting! Here are my favorite lines from the review (and, believe it or not, I didn't have to edit out any bad things, which is what the ellipses usually mean):

"...Hip young Mira James feels a dead-end job and romance in Minneapolis to seek rural comforts in Battle Lake...Nothing is as it seems, and Mira learns the dangerous way whom she can actually trust. Who would have imagined that her boss, the librarian, would have kinky sexual appetites? Who knew that there was a huge market for sex parties geared toward the geriatric set?...It's enough to make one yearn for the anonymity of the big city where perversity is more evenly distributed. Nonetheless, Mira exposes the truth and gets a nice scoop for her paper, too. Meet this witty heroine in Lourey's engaging new series."

Fun stuff. And if you like mysteries, make sure to read Mystery Scene magazine. It's all there, as I'm sure Alison, Assistant Librarian and winner (for her library) of a free copy of May Day (!!!) will agree too. Your library's copy is in the mail, Alison! Thanks for entering the contest. If you're a librarian, you should do the same.

Changing of the Guard

On Monday, I started the application process to the University of Minnesota MFA/PhD and the University of Iowa MFA. I figured it would be auspicious to begin them on May Day (which is not only the title of my first mystery but also one of my favorite holidays due to the springy feel, the historic roots, and the fact that my stoic father actually gave my sister and me a May Day basket one year as a surprise, one he made himself out of styrofoam cups--that incident made it into May Day, but the rest is really fiction. Mostly.).

You know, when you click on the the May Day link to amazon.com above, I think it brings you to MY amazon.com page, which means you can find out what I order through amazon.com, so I'm just going to come out and tell you I ordered two belly-dancing videotapes yesterday. And that the "Star Wars Revenge of the Sight Lightsaber: Green and Silver by Hasbro" is on my "recommended for you" list. I'm a complex person.

Back to the MFAs. I am committed to writing all twelve of the Murder by Month mysteries, but I also want the time/skillz/practice to write mainstream fiction, alternative fiction, fantasy, and socially responsible fiction. Plus, I need to get out of Alexandria, at least for a while. I'm feeling restless. I had hoped that it would work out in a big way with my hometown crush so I could write and teach online in Paynesville--not as glamorous as an MFA, but appealing and satisfying in a different way and EASIER--but it was not meant to be.

The MFA application process is tedious--I've spent a couple days on it already--but what else do I have to do, right? Except belly dance. With a green light saber.

Happy May Day!

It is the first day of my favorite month of the year--May. Now you know why the mystery series didn't start in January. I love May because it is the first kiss of spring, with wild green leaves, lilacs, and chicks on "this year I'm gonna do it" diets blooming everywhere. Plus, my birthday is in May. Wanna guess which famous person I share a birthday with? We have similar singing voices, as those who heard me "sing" karaoke at the Holiday Inn on Friday can attest to.

And in honor of May Day, May Day is selling swimmingly on amazon. Yay! I wonder how it'll do on No Pants Day?

One last thing--congratulations to Ellen Hart for winning the 2006 Minnesota Book Award for popular fiction for her fabulous Jane Lawless mystery, The Iron Girl!

Oh wait, one more last thing. I've decided to get a tattoo. Can anyone recommend a good tattoo artist in Minnesota?