Misunderestimating, by Jess Lourey

I was recently reminiscing with a friend about a gentleman we both worked for. He has since risen very high in the world and is now the commanding general of the ROTC for the state he lives in. At the time we worked for him, he was just our boss who had a bad habit of assuming everyone saw the world the same way he did. My favorite illustration of that was relayed to me by colleague, Catherine, who speaks Spanish and went on a church trip to Mexico with him as his translator. On their third day, the two of them presented to 60 teenaged girls who wanted to learn about volunteer opportunities in the U.S. My boss, thinking to set them at ease, told them he was happy to be there. They received this well. He told a couple jokes,which Catherine translated, and the whole audience erupted in laughter and applause. Encouraged and possibly suffering from jet lag, he next told them that they were foxes. My friend Catherine slid him a look, but he was too caught up in the positive energy, so she shrugged and translated, "he thinks you are small furry rodents.” The 17 year-olds are all WTF? as he is leering appreciatively at them, and he moves on from there, having completely lost his audience.

Language barriers (and lack of personal filters) can cause a lot of misunderstandings. For example, there is the “Ladies are requested not to have children in the drinking lounge” in a Norwegian bar, or “Drop your trousers here” at a Bangkok dry cleaner. In writing fiction, though, misunderstandings are more subtle, as I’m reminded every time I get my manuscript back from my fabulous friends and family who edit for me. Sections I thought were funny are…not. I was also advised to remove “BFF” and “WTF” from my manuscript by my mother, who said many people will  not know what they mean. I had a horrible character say a horrible thing, and I was told by several people that the horrible thing was so offensive that it took their breath away, in a bad way.

I listen to everything they say and play it against my internal rubric. I know, most of the time, what good writing looks like and what bad writing looks like. It’s just that when it’s my own, it’s hard to see the difference. Until someone points it out to me, that is. I end up making most of the changes recommended to me by editors, because most of the time they’re right.

My question to you is, how do writers tell the difference between what must stay and what should go?

You Write Like Sarah Palin

Yesterday, I drove three hours to Fargo (yeah, that Fargo) to sign books as part of the Altrusa book fair. This wonderful group raises money to build bookshelves in Habitat for Humanity homes and then stocks the shelves with brand-new  books. Twila, the woman running the event, said the children who move into these houses are so happy to have books of their own that they run straight to the shelf when they first enter their new house and plop on the floor to read. Sigh. Makes you happy to be part of this world, doesn’t it?

During this signing, a lovely woman in her 60s picked up a copy of September Fair, turned it over in her hand, and asked me why she should buy it. I said, “It’s funny.” (I’m not a saleswoman, never have been, don’t wanna be.)

She “meh’d” and hemmed and hawed before deciding to give it a try. As I’m autographing the title page, she remarks that I sign my name just like Sarah Palin, whose book this woman had recently waited eight hours in line to get autographed.

As my brain tries to sort out all the implications of her comment, the woman leans forward and conspiratorially whispers, “You know, I wouldn’t trust that lady to run our country, but she was really kind to the people in wheelchairs who were waiting a long time. She walked over to all of them personally.”

Her comment tickled me on all sorts of levels, but mostly because it was so perfectly Midwestern: kind but judgmental, with a total absence of irony. I wrote down the line in my “buttons” book, where I keep all sorts of great dialogue that I hear. Last Thursday at the train station, for example, my boyfriend and I were waiting for the Empire Builder to Milwaukee when we heard deep laughter rumbling out of the closed back room of the depot, where a group of conductors were meeting about something.

Two grizzled travelers were seated next to us. It was Veteran’s Day,  and they had been talking about their service in the Korean War and how it was a shame Amtrak gave 20% discounts to students but only 10% to veterans. When the laughter spilled out of the back room, one commented to the other, “Sounds like they’re having fun back there.”

And the other guy nodded and said, “As much fun as four men can have, anyhow.” Then they both started chuckling.

Love that random, unrehearsed stuff. Have you heard any great lines lately?

Pyramid on Point Method, by Jess Lourey

Remember that episode of Friends where Phoebe jogs?

That’s how I write novels—disorganized, flailing, a little fear and a lotta hope. This has worked for me so far, I guess, but then I got tapped to teach an “After the Idea: How to Write a Novel” class for MWA-U, the Mystery Writers of America’s new writer’s education series. I couldn’t spend an hour telling people how to reinforce the seat of their pants, so I had to hunker down and develop a legitimate method.

And I did.

And it works. It works so well, that I finally understood why I couldn’t get past page 60 of the four mainstream lit novels sitting on my laptop, and I saw how I could give my mysteries the extra layer of of character complexity I’ve always felt they’ve lacked. Check out this graphic representation of my method, which I call the Pyramid on Point method, because it reminds me of a square on its side:

Here’s how it works. First, you write a one-sentence summary of your novel idea. This will come in handy when you’re marketing your manuscript or later, talking about it at conferences, but for now, the purpose is to coalesce your idea. Here’s the one-sentence summary for the November novel I’ll begin writing this winter: “A newly-minted Minnesota PI investigates a suspicious hunting accident, uncovering a brutal small-town secret.” Notice that specifics aren’t important—names, places. You’re just taking an aerial photo.

Next, expand that summary into a paragraph. This should take about an hour. Include the status quo state at the beginning of the novel, what obstacles the protagonist encounters, and how the novel ends. After you’ve got that summary, invite your characters. Get a notebook or open a document on your computer and create a page for every character who’ll appear in the book. Flesh out the basics, like age and appearance, but more importantly, spell out their goals and motivations, the conflicts they encounter and how they’ll grow from them, and their general storyline in this novel. The detail you add here is what will separate your novel from the pack by making it a character-driven story. Don’t be afraid to rewrite your one-sentence or one-paragraph summaries if your characters call on you to do so.

The next step is my favorite: physically sketch your setting(s). If your novel takes place mostly in a single town, draw a street and business layout. If it also spends a lot of time in a specific house or office, draw the floor plan. Also, keep on the lookout for photos online or in magazines that strike a chord with you. Print or cut them out and glue them into a notebook (where you may already have your character bible). When you get writer’s block later, looking at and writing about these photos will push you over the hump. Just don’t spend too much time at this step or you’ll go from writer to scrapbooker.

Next, expand each sentence on your one-paragraph summary to a full page. Include lots of sensory detail, especially smell, touch, and sound. These make your writing cinematic. After this, roughly outline your plot. I don’t believe in detailed outlines, which take the surprise and so the fun out of writing. Simply create a post-it note for each character conflict you’ve come up with (you’ll find these in step 3), with the character name at the top of each post-it, and rearrange these so they happen in a logical order. These conflicts are the nails on which you string your story.

Finally, write the dang novel. This is the thrilling part. You’ve done the difficult work of creating the structure, and it’s time to sit back and take dictation from the Muses. When you get stuck, recharge with your pyramid. Voila! I hope this method brings joy, structure, and depth to your writing like it did to mine. And please, add to my stone soup. What writing tips/method have worked well for you?

p.s. If you’re describing this method to your friends, don’t take the natural step of making an upside-down pyramid shape with your hands. I did this (frequently, and at waist level) during my presentation, and it turns out it means something entirely different in sign language, and it ain’t “pie.”

Humorous Writing through the Ages

I write a humorous mystery series based on the idea that a big city gal is trapped in a small town where a murder happens every month. Hahahaha! See? It’s funny. I’ve also just begun work on a young adult novel with a three-book arc. My desire to write it arose mainly out of the fact that I want a forever snapshot of this period in my kids’ lives (they’re 11 and 8), along with a mash-up of ideas percolated by reading The Magic Treehouse series, Inkheart, and three of the Percy Jackson books with my children.

Without giving too much away, my modern YA novel idea requires me to read and research a lot of 1800s-era novels, starting with HG Wells’ The Time Machine and Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. We’re all familiar with the plot of Wells’ novella, and I can unconditionally recommend it as a fun, short, and creepy summer read. A Tale of Two Cities was a reread for me, but I loved it in high school and appreciate it even more now. And in reading these books, I found something amazing: the authors are funny. Dickens in particular is so dryly humorous that he actually makes me giggle while reading about the French Revolution. And in researching Wells and Dickens, I find that they were both progressive, intelligent, politically-active human beings who believed and worked hard for basic and universal human rights.

Maybe this is a newsflash to only me. (If so, thanks for keeping the eye rolling to a dull roar.) Anyhow, my first thought upon discovering this was, “I wonder how many other authors in the canon were politically active and progressive, and what does this say about the mind and personality of a successful writer as a whole?” That was just a passing thought, though. Mostly, I’m happy that that there is an established history of nuanced, funny writing that not only entertains but can change the world.

What other bright and funny classic authors am I missing? I’m specifically looking for novels written in the 1800s by humanists, and I should warn you that I couldn’t get farther than the second paragraph of The Last of the Mohicans.

Whose Kids Are Those? by Jess Lourey

Bouchercon 2009, coming this Thursday and lasting through Sunday, marks the end of my September Fair book tour. Those who know me, particularly those who rely on me for love, food, and shelter, refer to my book tours as "Mom's Crabby Time," a period where I’m so busy I forget what my kids look like and what my nice voice sounds like.

Yet despite the personal and financial cost, I continue to go on book tours. Here’s why:

• I want my series to do well.
• I value my publisher, Midnight Ink, and I understand the risk they're taking by publishing my novels and what they expect of me in terms of pushing the product.
• I like to see people who like my books.

But because I have a full-time job, two kids, and a partner who likes it when I occasionally acknowledge him, I now specialize in the "Work Smarter not Harder" style of book touring. It hasn't always been this way. With May Day, published in March 2006 and the first in the series, it was more of a Monica Lewinsky approach, where I was trying to please everyone. Not anymore. And I’d like to share with you the nuggets of efficient book touring I’ve picked up:

• Choose library engagements rather than bookstore booksignings. Libraries pay and in my experience, draw a larger crowd. And they always let you sell your books.
• Plan multiple booksignings in a single day. Three in one day, nine in a weekend is my record. I totally gave that weekend over to booksignings, which was exhausting but allowed me to schedule family time the rest of the week. And once you’re in signing mode, I say go for it.
• Contact local media at least three weeks before each signing. If you don’t have a great publicist like me, do this yourself. I’ve done it before, and they’re almost always grateful for a light news story. Only one signing in my two-month tour was not accompanied by a newspaper article or radio or television interview.
• Support your indies. Not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because they are the people who will handsell your books. A tiny store in northern Minnesota sold over 40 copies of September Fair the month it came out, and it’s because I connected with the owner. In my experience, booksignings are as much about making friends with the staff as they are about landing a new reader or two.
• That said, I always hit a couple B & Ns and Borders. It’s easier to get publicity for those, and B & N CRMs are some of my favorite people out there.
• Put writing on hold while on book tour, and keep the book tour to a limited span. You may disagree with me on this one, but I think writing and promoting run counter to each other, and it’s best to focus on one or the other. That’s why I keep my book tours to two months and turn down almost every request that doesn’t fall in that time period.

That’s about all I know for sure. Let me know if you have any questions about the above, or tips of your own to add. Hope to see you in Bouchercon!

TV, by Jess Lourey

You’re not supposed to look at the image of yourself in the console on TV while you’re on TV. You are supposed to have a facial expression other than “frozen smile melting into fear.” You’re not supposed to stare so intently at the host that it looks like you’re wondering what her hair tastes like.

This is what I know about promoting your book on television, and I learned it all the hard way on Showcase Minnesota last week.

My publicist, Courtney, has been doing a fantastic job setting up media appearances to promote September Fair. She’s nailed numerous newspaper, radio, and television appearances, not because I’m in demand but because I have serendipitously written a murder mystery that takes place at the Minnesota State Fair that just so happened to be released two weeks before the Fair opened. Turns out people like a little “dairy princess getting murdered while her head is carved from butter” mixed in with coverage of the prize-winning pumpkin, the farmer whose gone to every State Fair since he was born except for the year he was away at war, and the “how to make ____-on-a-stick” recipe segments.

But here’s the dirty secret: most of us don’t write because we like attention, and we certainly don’t like being on TV. We write because sitting in front of a computer, writing, wearing pjs so worn that the butt area is more screen than door suits us just fine. When I’m on TV, I’m not thinking deep or sparkly thoughts, and I’m not having fun. I’m hoping I don’t snart, do remember the name of either of my two children, and don’t accidentally blurt out “two city busses,” the calming mantra of my two-year-old second cousin.

It does get easier, however. A little Vaseline on my teeth so I don’t do the snaggle-toothed smile, a couple homeopathic stage fright pills that taste like sugar and probably are, and clothes that don’t cling, and I can stumble through an interview all right. Or not. You can be the judge above. And wish me luck—I’m doing Fox Morning News and Twin Cities Live tomorrow.

September Fair, by Jess Lourey

The fifth book in my Murder-by-Month series has been released, and I am days away from having a new website! How much excitement can one gal take?

The Minnesota State Fair—beloved home of 4H exhibits, Midway rides, and everything on a stick. The festival fun is riding high until the recently crowned Milkfed Mary, Queen of the Dairy, a Battle Lake native, is brutally murdered while her regal likeness is carved in butter. Can Mira James, covering the fair for the Battle Lake Recall, expose a deadly State Fair secret and win a blue ribbon for caging a killer? You’ll have to read September Fair to find out, but the smart money is on “yes.” :)

I am giving away three free copies of September Fair, and YOU could be a lucky winner. To be eligible, in the "Comments" area of this blog, tell me your three favorite State Fair foods/areas/events/rides. The winner will be chosen based on an empirical formula taking the following into account:

1. How related to me you are (less is better).
2. Whether or not I can recycle your answers in future interviews.
3. Poignancy and/or humor.
4. Last but not least as long as I am drawing breath, spelling and grammar.
   

Octoberfest, by Jess Lourey

September Fair, the fifth book in my Murder-by-Month series, comes out this September, though it may be available as early as August. This one is far and away the best in the series, and my plan was to quit on this high note. I’ve got a historical novel in the queue, and I’m hammering out a magical realism story that has completely captivated my imagination and it thrills me to write it.

Plus, I’ve recently fallen in love (first time in eight years!), I have two kids who each just got a new little animal (one puppy and one kitten), and I’ve got a full-time job. All these other draws on my time pretty much guaranteed that the Murder-by-Month series would need to take a break after September Fair.

So why can’t I let the series drop? Why do these Battle Lake plot ideas, character lines, and setting details pop unwanted into that area between my brain and eyes, where they spread like creeping Charlie? Sigh. It’s gotten so bad that I asked my agent to ask my publisher if they want another, tentatively titled Octoberfest, even though I’d already told them I didn’t want to write it. I’m waiting to hear back. Part of me hopes they don’t offer me a decent contract so I can get on with the rest of my life. The rest of me wants an excuse to write that damn novel.

And I’ve heard from my readers. They both want me to write Octoberfest, too. Do you have one of those? A story or novel idea that won’t let you go, even though you know your attention is needed elsewhere, the literary equivalent of the dark-haired, black-eyed man on a motorcycle, sitting outside your house come hithering you when you know you should be inside cleaning and baking? (p.s. I may have let you too far into my head with that analogy.)

The Rhetoric of Online Dating

I have tried online dating off and on for the past several years. I start out hopeful but always seem to end up across the table from a post-operative transsexual, acne-ridden adolescent, or sexually-confused man. And so I quit for a while, and I have my fictional mystery characters spout lines such as, "Men, like leather pants, should never be shopped for online." Then I remember I really like men, and that Minnesotans are too polite to flirt or pick one another up in public (and prefer white food), and so if I want to date again, I have to go back online. It's a vicious cycle, one a friend and I are going to plumb to our journalistic advantage. We're going to research the rhetoric of online dating and try to publish an article on the topic. We're both college English instructors, which lends credibility to our seedy topic, don't you think?

Here are three random online profiles featuring men in my immediate area. Join me in my research, if you will, and help me to study how they use and misuse language to reach their goals:

WhiteyBlue69
My favorite thing to eat is barbeque ribs. My color is purple. When it's raining out I like to work on my crafts, sit and cuddle watching a movie with the special person in my life. I love music & reading the newspaper. I Like to go bike riding. I love to eat at Famous Daves Barbeque or even a nice romantic restaurant.

OK, I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and assume the "69" refers to the year he was born and is not a crude sexual promise of beautiful things to come, and I'm even going to ignore the "See Dick run" construction of his sentences. What I can't escape are the double references to his love of smoked meat and the use of "cuddle," and "special person" in the same paragraph. That's gotta be code for something.

Duckfiend
i like all wild game, seafood, pizza and a good steak. i'll watch anything that is funny, south park old sitcoms.scary movies.i listen to music alot, e-bay, nap, my dog, and of course duck hunting. I WANT TO MEET A WOMAN WHO IS NON-JUDGEMENTAL OF OTHERS, NOT A GOLD-DIGGER, HAPPY WITH HER LOOKS AND BODY AND A CUTE SMILE.MUST BE WICKEDLY SEXY AND NAUGHTY. NO FATTIES. HOPEFULLY SHE LIKES TO FISH AND AT LEAST NOT BE AGAINST HUNTING.THE MALL ISNT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PLACES, I'D RATHER GO TO THE GROCERY STORE. SOMEONE WHO LOVES ANIMALS, ESPECIALLY DOGS.DONT WANT A HEALTH NUT OR VEGETARIAN. SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO GIVE AND GET A MASSAGE.

I'm guessing that the only handle worse than "Duckfiend"--FreeMustacheRides--was already taken. But what I'm getting from this is that I have to be slender, not care that he's fat, and hang out at home watching the dogs and waiting to be wickedly sexy and naughty as soon as he gets off the duck blind, reeking of elk urine and Schlitz lite. Have I already sufficiently horrified you with the online dating prospects in rural Minnesota, or do you want one more?

BestKisser1
Have youever seen stars after a kiss I can make it happen. I like doing all kinds of outdoor activities like fishing, camping, hiking , sitting around a campfire, Ilike to cook for someone special like to cuddle on the coach and watch movies with the fireplace going and have some hot popcorn (I like to surprise the one Iam with flowers, little notes a hug or a kiss when they are not expecting it like to have candles lit in the house makes for a romantic setting I like to run a hot bath for that special person and have candles lined along the tub I also give very good back rubs. I like to watch football sometimes

You can see someone tried to help this guy--tell them you like to cuddle and bring flowers!!--but he has his own idea of what women like, as you can see from his posted picture. And who am I to say he's wrong? There are surely women out there who like a simple man who can provide, as well as decorate their double-wide with dead animal parts whilst running them a bath in the rust-stained tub. My point is that Duckfiend, WhiteyBlue69, and BestKisser1 are all you get on the rural Minnesota buffet of love. From this well springs inspiration to continue my Murder-by-Month series, featuring an amateur sleuth looking for love in greater Minnesota and ending up with dead bodies, instead.

Any advice for me, or the guys above?

UPDATE: I've expanded my online dating net to Iowa and surprisingly, may have scored. Who would have guessed?

Like Buttah

The fifth novel in my Murder-by-Month series, hits bookshelves September 2009. The book, set at the Minnesota State Fair, was originally titled September Mourn. I loved this title so much that I worked Neil Diamond into the plot. Unfortunately, my publisher discovered another mystery already has that title. Neil Diamond stayed, but the title went, replaced by September Grace.

Strike two.

Not catchy enough, said my publisher, offering up September Fair instead. Nothing was ever going to be as good as the original, so I said fine, grateful to have a publisher who even asks for my input on such things.

Then I saw the cover mock-up.

Midnight Ink has rightfully won awards for their cover art, ranging from the beautiful to the eerie to the complex. With August Moon, I talked them into a streamlined cover more in keeping with the comic mystery genre. They agreed and stuck with that theme for September Fair, for which I was again grateful. But that color. The background was described to me as "butter." I would call it "light nausea." Your thoughts?

And what about that bloody tiara? It was originally an old-fashioned bottle of milk with a blue ribbon draped over it, but since Milkfed Mary, Queen of the Dairy, gets murdered while her head is being carved out of butter in Chapter 1, the bloodied crown seemed more fitting. Other thoughts for what could occupy that space instead, or is the tiara compelling to you?

p.s. My cousin just emailed me to say that you can buy a used copy of the as-yet-unreleased September Fair through Amazon.com for $1000. I will sell you the manuscript fresh off my laptop for half that. :)

Write of Spring

Every year since 2002, on the first Saturday of spring, Minnesota's premier mystery bookstore, Once Upon a Crime, holds its annual Write of Spring. Pat and Gary, the owners of Once Upon a Crime, bill their store as "informal, low-tech, and happy to provide the best customer service around." The Write of Spring epitomizes this attitude.

Over 60 authors are present, hanging out in one-hour shifts to talk to, meet with, and sign books for fans and aspiring writers. Many of us blur the line between fan and author when we find ourselves standing between the likes of William Kent Krueger and Laura Childs while chatting with Ruth Jordan about the future of the mystery genre. All this in a tiny store no larger than my dining room and kitchen combined, no cover charge, no pretension.

For me, this is what independent bookstores are all about. You have camaraderie, connecting, employees who can give you an exhaustive answer to the question, "If I like this book, what other books would I like?" Once Upon a Crime, whose motto is, "For a Good Crime, Call," also hosts book groups and writing groups as well as putting on weekly signings.

Pat and Gary, who incidentally got married in their store two years as Gary battled leukemia, put as much effort into supporting emerging authors as the bestsellers. I remember setting up my first signing at the store, for May Day, which came out in 2006. My ego was bruised from trying to set up events at larger stores. I expected more of the same from Once Upon a Crime, but Pat's email response to my request read something like this: "May Day was a hoot! You let us know what day and time you want to set up a signing, and we'll make it happen. In the meanwhile, I ordered 40 copies of your book, so stop by and sign stock. Looking forward to meeting you!"

Hunh? She'd not only read my book but had ordered copies of it? If you've dealt with Once Upon a Crime, I know you've had a similar experience. They're champs in the mystery field, the unsung underdogs who connect readers directly with writers, and vice versa. And I bet they're not the only ones out there. What's your favorite indie, and why?

(The photos are, starting with the upper left one and working clockwise: Pat, co-owner of the store, along with a children's book author; a writer of books, Lori L. Lake, and William Kent Krueger--one of the best mystery writers out there; Ellen Hart and Michael Allen Mallory. I apologize for not knowing the names of two of the authors pictured. I'm lame that way.)

Are You a Journey or a Destination Person?

New-age, find-your-chakra, smell-a-rose philosophy would have us valuing the journey over the destination. If you sense some reluctance there, it's because I'm an impatient person. I'm always in a hurry to get somewhere, and when I finally arrive, I scurry off to somewhere else. I WANT to enjoy the journey, but unless I'm on a road trip or reading a book, I'm a seeker by nature, looking forward instead of around.

This is particularly apparent in my writing career. I would rather have a book done and off to my publisher than be writing one. I figured all writers were that way, until I interviewed Janet Evanovich, who told me she enjoys the journey way more than the destination.

Shit. Turns out I'm the weirdo.

Until I started writing Blue Moon. I've had the idea for this novel in my head for years, but I had no avenue for redemption for the main character, and so no skeleton around which to build the story. Last month, though, her redemption came to me, and the story has literally been writing itself ever since then.

The novel is Minnesota magical realism and is inspired by the strong women in my life and the fascinating research of Dr. Bryan Sykes, who compellingly argues in The  Seven Daughters of Eve that mitochondrial DNA proves that all human ancestry can be traced back to seven women. We're all related, and there's magic in those genes.

Viva la journey!

And so, do you prefer the journey, or the destination?

I'm a Mystery "Writer," by Jess Lourey

Like most writers, I heart punctuation. Well, at least if it's used correctly. Misused punctuation hurts. The worst? When people put two spaces after a period, which is technically a formatting rather than punctuation error (you know who you are; you learned how to type on a typewriter instead of a computer). The best? When a guy uses a semicolon correctly in a love letter. Hot, hot, hot. Well, punctuation geeks, we are not alone. Check out my new favorite "blog": The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

This is a potpourri blog post by the way, a threefer, and number two is this video, which briefly presents the real story of how a spark becomes a novel:

And finally, number three: my good friend Michelle today shared with me a new word she invented after a particularly intense rest stop experience. The word is prestenchination, loosely based on the Christian concept of predestination, and it refers to the fact that if you are in a public bathroom and have eight empty stalls to choose from, you will inevitably enter the stinkiest one.

See how much I do for you? It's because I'm a natural educator.

Subcultures, by Jess Lourey

I teach sociology at a small Minnesota college, and this week, we're discussing subculture and counterculture. A subculture is a segment of society that follows their own norms, but those norms are not outside the boundaries of majority society. Think Purple Hat ladies or Trekkies. Counterculture groups, on the other hand, violate the mores of a society and therefore disrupt it. Think skinheads. Or mystery writers.

The lecture got me to thinking about all the fantastically fun subcultures out there that keep our world interesting. Take the subculture of roller derby, a subject brought up recently by a friend who has actually been to a match of this surprisingly popular underground sport. You know--the sport where women (and sometimes men, but we all agree that's not as fun) in circa 1980s roller skates, short shorts, and fabulously tacky names like "Camel Toe-ny" skate around a rink and elbow each other into submission.

The best part of the sport is the names. What would yours be? Mine is Alison Plunderland, according to the "What's Your Roller Derby Name?" quiz. It's not as edgy as I'd like, but apparently I've got more speed than fight in me. I've never actually seen roller derby, outside of a particularly campy Charlie's Angels episode, Death on Wheels:

They just don't make TV like that anymore. Act on, sisters. So what subcultures do you belong to?

Merry Christmas!

GM Malliet, mystery writer and author of one of the best books of 2008, recommends creating trailers to promote your books. If she recommended wearing blue mascara and tube socks over your pants, probably we should do that, too. Fortunately, she's only gently nudging us toward the digital era, and out of respect to her bona fides, I have created a trailer for August Moon:



I love how writers share marketing tips. It reminds me of the first time my son Xander sparred at a Tae Kwon Do tournament. He's tall for a six-year-old and as kind as the day is long. His dad died before he was born, and I try to fill the role of both parents. In that spirit, I was coaching him on how to best kick ass (you can decide whether that is normally mom's or dad's job).

"All I know about sparring," I said, "is that as soon as the ref drops her hands to start the match, you get in there with a chinning kick. Catch your opponent off guard and they'll be running for the rest of the match."

So I get him all pumped up. "You can do it!" I tell him. I put in his mouth guard and yank on his shin and forearm pads. I walk him over to the waiting pen, where he nods to the three boys he'll soon be fighting. He indicates for them to lean their heads in close, and when they do, he pulls out his mouth guard and says, "OK guys, all I know about sparring is that as soon as the ref drops her hands..."

That's my boy. He likes winning, but not nearly as much as he likes treating people well. And so generous writers like GM and Joanna Campbell Slan and countless others share their marketing secrets, knowing full well that if we're all doing the same thing, their efforts will have less impact. I guess they just like treating people well. Thank you to all the generous writers out there for your gifts of blurbing, a pat on the back, sharing marketing tips, and all the nice stuff you do to make this a writing community! Happy holidays to all!

p.s. As a gift to myself, I have just completed and sent September Grace to my agent. Here's the first chapter. I'm pretty dang proud of this one. Now, my kids and I are off to be with friends and family. Stay warm, full, and generous.

What Have You Done for Me Lately? by Jess Lourey

I have just been elected to the national board of the Mystery Writers of America (MWA). Thank you to all of you who voted for me, even if you just checked the box next to my name because there were only as many candidates as there were spots.

Harlan Coben is the current president, and other board members include mystery-writing greats like Lee Child and Reed Farrel Coleman. They're flying us all out to New York in January to rub elbows (lay money on me making an ass of myself) and get oriented.

I don't know what crazy series of events led to my nomination for this position, but now that I'm in, I feel obligated to represent what I know:  the small press mystery writers, independent bookstores, and cozy/soft-boiled readers out there. To those of you in those categories, I ask you:

What do you want MWA to do for you? It's a huge organization with some big guns in it, originally founded by amazing mystery writers in 1945 who believed that "Murder doesn't pay--enough" (here's a slightly more detailed history). MWA has brought recognition and respect to the field over the years, but now when I hear mystery writers mention the organization, it's only as a line in their bio. It doesn't have to be that way. Here are some points I'd like to see addressed:

• Could MWA have more visibility in schools and/or bring mystery reading program to at-risk/low reading score schools? MWA Reads is a wonderful program that's grown dusty; would it be worth it to revive to help promote all the great YA mystery authors out there?
• Genre diversity. Edgar-nominated novels, while all amazing, are almost without exception all dark and gritty and feature heterosexual male protagonists. Is it time to broaden what the MWA/standard-bearer considers a great mystery? Can it be soft-boiled or a cozy, take place in a small town, or feature a gay and/or female and/or supernatural protagonist? Or maybe, how are the judges chosen (besides based on their heroic commitment) and what are their guidelines? I don't know the answer, but this is a conversation that I'd like to enter at the national level.
• How can we link MWA up more actively with book clubs? Create a list of books, organized by sub-genre, that have discussion questions included and whose authors are available for teleconferences, free of charge? Get list to box stores, independents, libraries, and book club sites?
• I found this on the MWA website: "MWA also works to educate writers and those who aspire to write regarding their rights and interests, and to make writers and readers aware of matters which may affect crime writing through legislation, publishing industry practices, judicial decisions, or in other ways. " How do we help published writers get better contracts, represent a united front to publishers, get more film and TV options? Is this something we need to pursue more actively?
• What about health care for members? This came up in the past. Should it be revisited?
• Recently, the guidelines as to who can be considered an active member (or a published author) were updated, eliminating a wave of small press authors. Should that decision be revisited, and if so, why?

 Are any of the above issues important to you? Do you have others that aren't listed up there that I should bring to the board? What would your ideal mystery-writing organization do for you and for the community? If you aren't a member of MWA, why is that? Please start a lively discussion that I can take to NYC, or, if you'd rather your comments remain anonymous, email me at jesslourey@yahoo.com, and I'll forget where I heard them.

p.s. One thing everyone who knows anything about MWA agrees on--Margery Flax does a fantastic job as coordinator/supporter of the organization.

Teleplays

I am addicted to House. In fact, I consider Sunday nights date night with my television because a double-header of House reruns are on USA Network, and Hugh Laurie always puts out. Actually, it's the series' writers who always give me what I need. The show is consistently uncomfortable, intelligent, funny, and original (though I've noticed an over-reliance on chelation in season 4). It's the best detective show on the air, and millions of people, like me, can't get enough.

The genius of the show is the central character, Dr. Gregory House, played by Hugh Laurie. (My friend Julia Buckley says she has a hard time adjusting to his American accent but we both agree that he nails the role.) His character is an eminently unlikable and doesn't care, which makes him fascinating. He doesn't run with the herd yet he manages to succeed, and we all want to know why.

On a recent Sunday during my House juggernaut, I was flipping stations during a commercial and ended up on the Discovery channel, which, as usual, was covering something really gross. I watched long enough to get the gist and flitted to E!, which was airing The Girls Next Door. One of the ladies was having a problem due to her enhancement surgery. I switched back to House, which was now on, and an idea began niggling at me. There was a thread connecting these three shows. So, I turned back to the Discovery channel, back to The Girls Next Door, back to House, back to the Discovery channel, back to The Girls Next Door, and voila: I had a thrilling idea for a House episode--there'd be the central medical drama thanks to what I'd just seen on Discovery, continued character development in line with the direction of the series, and the humor that holds the show together, inspired by the "issue" I'd caught on The Girls Next Door (thanks, fake boobs). Talk about a strange stew.

As I sketched my ideas, I started to imagine what it would be like to write words that other people act out, to create characters that real people slip into like suits. I'm a novelist, and the words I write are meant to stay on the page, a note from me to you. But to write a script? I was taken with the idea. The television writers I have heard speak and those writers I know whose books were lucky enough to be turned into movies grumble at the experience--too many cooks spoiling your broth--but I thrive on collaboration.

So I've begun the teleplay for the House episode burbling in my head. I own one book on writing teleplays, penned by Lee Goldberg, and in it, he assures me I'd have better luck turning water into wine than selling a teleplay on spec, but that's true of any fiction writing, right? It's not a business venture for the practical.

In that vein, anyone have advice for me on writing teleplays, or the phone number for David Shore, the head writer and showrunner for House? Or show ideas of your own?

Trick or Treat

Halloween is one my favorite holidays because I love a good masquerade. The holiday originates from the old Celtic festival called Samhain (pronounced  "sah-win"). The Celts believed that the new year occurred on November 1, when the summer harvest was over and the cold winter was settling in. The night before the new year, October 31, the boundary between the living world and the dead became blurred, allowing the dead to walk the earth and the living to access a wider range of their powers.

When Christianity hit the land of the Celts in the 800s, the Church piggybacked on a lot of their rituals and altered them slightly so they became church-sanctioned. The Celts' new year became All Saints Day or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse, meaning All Saints' Day), and the night before became All Hallow's Eve. From that came what we now know as Halloween, where our little demons and ghouls walk the earth and collect candy to appease their souls.

Whee! In honor of the roots of Halloween, I offer you a trick and a treat. First, the trick, and I warn you that it's a really scary puzzle and you shouldn't do it if you have a heart condition. You need the sound turned on to hear the directions, and the link will take you to a new site where the maze is located (I don't have copyright rights to post it here).

 

 

Now for the treat. A librarian just informed me of the HowDunit series, which I'm ashamed to say I've never heard of but if you are a mystery writer,  appears to be indispensible. The series was initially published by Writer's Digest and is a series of books written for crime fiction writers. There's a book on poisons, a book on crime scene investigation, a writer's guide to weapons, a writer's guide to private investigating, and my personal favorite: Body Trauma: A Writer's Guide to Wounds and Injuries, featuring such gems as, "What the Glasgow Coma Scale is, and why it's important," 'and, "The Dirty Dozen: dreadful-but survivable-chest injuries.". How have I been writing mysteries this long without this information?

Oh, and here's one more treat. A friend of mine got a Wonder Woman costume for Halloween when she was 10 years old, which would have been about 30 years ago. She'd don the red, white, and blue swimsuit, the white pleather go-go boots, the gold circlet on her head and the bullet-repelling bracelets, and strap on her golden lariat and wear it for days after Halloween had come and gone. She slept in this costume, and she got so good with the golden lariat that she actually roped one of her much-older sisters. My friend, Heidi-cum-Wonder Woman, said to her sister, "You must be honest with me as you are now  ensnared in the Lasso of Truth." And her sister said, "You're a dork." See? The lasso worked. Happy Halloween!

The Janet Evanovich Interview, by Jess Lourey

  Thanks to Janet Evanovich, I write humorous mysteries. (At least I hope they're funny.) About seven years ago, I was having no luck getting my embarrassingly autobiographical "fiction" published, and I needed something to distract me. A friend suggested I read One for the Money. Couldn't put it down. What a person likes to read is personal, but I consider that book one of the top ten best mysteries ever written. It hit all the right notes--suspense, humor, sex, food. When I found out there were more in the series, I devoured them. When I was at the end, and she wasn't writing fast enough, I decided to try my hand at it, and so, the Murder-by-Month series was born.

So yeah. She's one of my idols. And on a whim, I recently emailed her and asked if she would agree to a brief interview, made up of five questions only a Stephanie Plum geek could love. Imagine my surprise when she graciously answered them! Here is the interview:

 

JESS: You are famous for your dedication to your fans, touring when it is no longer a career necessity. What keeps you going back on the road? 

JANET: It's a way of staying in touch with my readers. And I love room service.

JESS: Ha! That room service never seems to find me in the basement of the Motel 8, but it's probably for the best. I don't know what they'd bring, but I'm pretty sure it'd have a hair in it. OK, next question. Tess Gerritsen tells a story of having one of the big dogs reviewing her first book. The review said, essentially, "This book will only appeal to readers who move their lips." Do you have any mortifying interview/review anecdotes that could make us mere mortal writers feel better about ourselves?

JANET: First, let me say that I've been known to move my lips while reading. Second, stop reading the reviews and interviews and use that time to improve a couple sentences in chapter three. Third, just about everything I do is mortifying ...it's a way of life.

JESS: Hallelujah! Back in your pre-published days, you wrote a few novels that would be categorized as literary, or mainstream, fiction. Ever think about dusting those off, revising them using your hard-won writing skills, and publishing them?

JANET: Nope. They wouldn't meet reader expectation in their present form and the editing would be so time consuming it wouldn't be cost effective.

JESS: And I certainly don't want to pull you away from creating more Stephanie Plum adventures! OK, Mark Twain once said, "I prefer having written to writing." (He also said, "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society," but that's beside the point). How about for you? Do you enjoy the act of writing, or is it still a challenge, albeit a grand one?

JANET: I prefer writing to having written. I love the process, the isolation, the unique world I go into every morning. Once the book is off my desk it belongs to someone else. The only really good part to having written is that someone sends me a check which allows me to go on writing.

JESS: That is a nice perk! OK, here's the big one, the one many of your fans are dying to know. If you were single and Joe Morelli and Ranger both came to life, whom would you choose? (Morelli would come with a lifetime supply of Cheetos; Ranger w/limitless grocery store birthday cake with crusty buttercream frosting.)  

JANET: That's an easy one ...birthday cake.

Ha ha! Thank you to the lovely, ever-funny, and talented Janet Evanovich for her time. Happy fall, and thanks for reading!

Karma, New Mysteries, Sherlock Holmes, and the Sarah Palin Effect

Today, I am cleaning the lint trap of my mind into this space. I think when I'm done, my overall life performance will improve. First, many many many mystery writers, including me, have recently gotten this email:

Hello,

My sister is one of your biggest fans and she has terminal breast cancer and her birthday is coming up and I was wondering if I could get her an autographed copy of one of your books. She would enjoy it so much.Thank you so much.

Kathy Sickles

Her address is below:

Cindy Lewis
3816 Highway Avenue
Highland,Indiana 46322

I was raised by a paranoid man, which makes me a suspicious woman. My first response was that it’s a scam. However, I’m also a mother, which makes me a bleeding heart regarding issues of death and sadness. Fortunately, I’m also a writer, so I used my mad letter-penning skills to sniff out the truth. Here's what I sent back a week ago:

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister, Kathy! That is truly very sad, and thank you for contacting me. The email you sent me has also been sent to many other mystery authors, no? Many of us have been discussing it in our online communities, and though we all strive to be supportive of those in need, the fact that you are mass emailing us and telling many of us that we are your sister's favorite author sends some concerns that your request is not legitimate. Since many of us are on a limited budget and have to buy our own books, would it be possible for you to address this issue so we can do the right thing without feeling taken advantage of?

Best,

Jess Lourey
Murder by Month Mysteries
www.jesslourey.com

I haven’t heard back from her/him/it/them. Suspicious Jessie wins another round, and Compassionate Jessie is saddened by the bad karma the original email is generating. On to happier news. I have a new agent, Victoria at the Levine/Greenberg Literary Agency, and I’m thrilled with her. She’s currently negotiating the contract for September Mourn, which will be released fall 2009 if all goes well. Also, I just last night got a shiny, sparkling, funny, edgy idea for a new mystery series! It’s my first whole new full-length mystery idea since I started writing the Murder-by-Month series six years ago, and it’s about freaking time.

Finally, I took a trip to London a couple weeks ago and ate dry chicken, delicious warm custard, and bubbly cider at the Sherlock Holmes pub (right off of Baker Street. Seriously). Good times! Inside, they have this weird, dusty dioramic room set up to look like Sherlock Holmes’ office as described by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. You can peer at it through glass, and it appeals to the inner Wall Drug/Corn Palace child in all of us. Feast your eyes on this.

p.s. For the past week, I've been thinking how familiar Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin looks. I thought it was just because she was the archetypal high school Queen Bee, all grown up. You know the one I mean. She was nice to your face but slapped a "kick me because I'm fat and think a french kiss is a new line of Hershey's candy" sign on you when she faux-hugged you? She's pretty and uber popular with the guys, and always complains to them how she doesn't have any female friends because we're all so catty? Yeah. Her.

But then, when I read that as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Ms. Palin tried to fire the local librarian because she wouldn't censor books, I realized why she looked familiar. Sarah Palin is one of the villains in August Moon. The book features an extreme religious group that believes they are God's warriors, that religion should be taught in science classrooms, that their small group should decide what books are acceptable at the local library, and that civil liberties should only be offered to those who look and think like them. When writing that book, I found humor in satirizing that tiny, zealous slice of the U.S. population. Guess the joke's on me.