...And the Beat Goes On

It's true. No one is rude at Bouchercon. The one Rudinator from Love Is Murder has been surprisingly sober every time I see him, so who's left? Oh wait, there was that one guy, the smirking-laugh-at-you-corrector-of-everything-you-say, but I needed a new villain to kill off in the next mystery, and he was a great prototype. So thank you, Mr. New Rudinator.

Otherwise, all good. Sandra Ruttan, despite her offer, would be hard pressed to pull off rude with any believability (although I bet she does pissed off pretty well, :) if you give her a reason), Tim Maleeny is not only an interesting storyteller but a charming person, Bill Cameron is a little bit meaner than Santa Claus and not quite as nice as Mister Rogers, and I'm pretty sure Julia Buckley is nice, too, but she was too busy being clever and funny for me to be sure. By the way, check out her blog. It's fabulous.

Today, I got Kent Krueger and Laura Lippmann to sign their new mysteries for me, so yay! I also accidentally sat next to a crazy man who writes short stories but wouldn't tell me what they were about because they're private and only his publisher can see them (and I couldn't help noticing his age spots were the same color as his eyes). Ah, the tales from Bouchercon. Tomorrow, my goal is to meet reviewers, but the deal is that somehow you can't tell them apart from the rest of us regular folk. I hear they float when you drop them in water, though.

What I've learned so far at Bouchercon:

1. How to take a shoe imprint out of snow (hot sulfur, interestingly enough).
2. Paint chips are used in identifying criminals, but there needs to be at least eight layers of paint in the chip for it to be admissible. (Got both those tips from Jerry Geurts, Director of the Wisconsin State Crime Lab. You know, the real CSI guy for Wisconson.)
3. I never want to read a medieval mystery. It's just me, and I think it has more to do with the disappointment at finding out there are not automatically wenches and swords in them as much as anything.
4. Midnight Ink has a great line-up of authors, and a fantastic team all around (everyone I meet loves the covers!).
5. I automatically take people with British accents more seriously because they're smarter.
6. According to mystery writer Barb D'Amato, death is not funny, but people are funny. I would like to add to that that sex is funny, but dead people having sex isn't.
7. All mystery writers are nice, except for the three assholes, and everyone knows who they are. I stole that from Tim Maleeny, who heard it in a presentation yesterday. It's true and brings this post full circle, except for one more thing:

The Otter Tail Count Review is finally available, as of today. It is a great collection, and all profits benefit library and literacy programs in the Upper Midwest. Check it out!

Bouchercon 2006

Not one person has been rude to me. In fact, several have been very, very nice (Bill Cameron and Margery Flax, you bastards!). So, I have nothing to write about other than the fabulous roasted portabello salad I had today with Barbara Moore, Acquisitions Editor Extraordinaire at Midnight Ink, and the hot little shuttle driver (three months away from a B.S in Chinese Language and Literature--all the boys and Madison are cute and smart). Sorry. I'll see who I can antagonize tomorrow.

(Ooops) I Did It

I sent Britney Spears a copy of May Day. I really did. I figured that dream where I was her nanny, followed by the book club meeting on Britney Lane, all meant something. It had to. So now Britney has something to read whilst chewing gum on the treadmill and getting back that tight little body of hers. Enjoy, Britney.

Oh, and maybe I sent a copy to Sandra Bullock, too, while caught in the throes of star fever. Maybe. But you can't prove it.

Onto the grist. Gristle. Grist. The stuff that matters. I was at the St. Cloud Barnes & Noble today, talking to their MS book club, where I was asked how I deal with writer's block. I actually am too shallow to get writer's block with any regularity, but the times that I do get it, here's what I do to overcome it:

1. Outline. If the scene won't come to me whole, like it usually does, I outline it. Creating a sketch of it usually gets me past the mental hairball clogging my creative process.
2. Stop and go to bed. The trick is, it has to be close to bedtime and I have to be thinking about what I am stuck on as I fall asleep. I usually wake up with an idea, if not a whole scene. I have a notebook next to my bed for just this purpose.
3. Write crap. Oftentimes, writer's block is not an inability to come up with an idea so much as the fear that the idea lurking in the back of our head is crap. If you allow yourself to put the crap on paper, you can move past the block. A lot of time you'll find out it wasn't really crap, or at least that it's easier to shape crap into something worthwhile than it is to start on a blank page. As Ernest Hemingway said, "The first draft of anything is shit." I think that's the shortest sentence he ever wrote.

Ah, pearls of wisdom. Next time I blog, I will be in Madison, Wisconsin, enjoying the premier mystery convention in the world, Bouchercon. While there, I'm going to do my darndest to antagonize that famous writer who was rude to me at Love Is Murder last fall so I have something exciting to write about. Stay tuned.

A Riddle for the Ages

First things first. I was invited to attend an Alexandria book club reading May Day on Saturday, and it was a blast! I was wondering where all the smart, hip chicks (besides the ones I work with) were hiding out in this town, and now I know! Great food, great fun, great wine, and some good ghost stories. That's a Saturday night worth having, I tell you. And what really tickled me was that the host of the party lives on Britney's Lane, which was named after Britney Spears. Hee hee! She hates that. The host, not Britney Spears.

Next: I overheard this at the riddle booth at the Ren Fest and can't for the life of me solve it. Suggestions? "I have no mother and no father and was born without skin. I made a noise at birth and haven't made a sound since. Who am I?"

And finally, the local grocery stopped carrying my favorite cereal, Rice Twice, and so now I had to order a case of it online. What is this world coming to? It's delicious, by the way. Crispy brown rice mixed with puffed rice--crunchy, puffy, sweet! You should order yourself a gross and be cool like me.

Jesus Camp

My friend Berns sent me a link to the new documentary, Jesus Camp, and a link to the theaters showing it. It looks worth seeing and talking about, so check it out if it's in your area! I won't be able to see it because I live in a bunker in the woods, but I will have to check it out when it comes out on video as my fourth mystery, August Moon, is set in a Bible Camp sort of like this one. Coincidence? Yes.

The September May Day contest winner is the Williams Library at Northern State University, courtesy of an entry filled out by Jennifer Jenness, Technical Services Coordinator. Thanks, Jennifer, for entering! A free copy of May Day for the Williams Library plus a treat for you are hurtling through snail mail as we speak.

Tomorrow, I'm speaking to the drunken, tattooed, five-finger-discount-leaning Alexandria Book Club. Actually, I'm sure they're very nice, but a gal can always hope. I hear there will be Nut Goodies there, though! If your book club is within 50 miles of Alexandria, I'd love to come out and meet you all, too.

OK, you know why I'm blogging so much this week? Because I'm supposed to be starting August Moon. This is work avoidance, people, and you're enabling me. Stop. It. Oh! But I do have a five-page outline of August Moon, which is my longest outline ever. I have a plot, a sub-plot, three fantastic new characters (plus lots of returning favorites), a central theme of the repercussions of blind faith, maybe a dead cheerleader, and clues dropped throughout a la Agatha Christie so you will be able to solve this one if you read closely. And if I ever write it.

Guns Don't Kill People. People with Mustaches Kill People.

That's my new favorite t-shirt, which I saw at the Ren Fest last Saturday. I had a great time! I went with my friend Christine and my two kids. They were all in costume: Christine ("I feel pretty. I'm pretty!") was a wench, Zoe was a queen, and Xander was a gladiator (time travel is acceptable at the Ren Fest). I broke down and bought and wore a classy wench costume, too, and was cinched into it so tight that I had a boob. I'll post real pix when I get them, but in the meanwhile, let me introduce you to Ariana Swordswallower.

If you have a minute, go to Bill's blog, scroll down to the Hobbit post, and check out the Infinite Cat Project. I can't stop thinking about it!

And now, I begin to write August Moon. Wish me luck.

Clooney Lectures United Nations

I'd like to quote my good friend Holly when it comes to this article:

"Really. Really?? Really. Now Hollywood stars are lecturing the decision and policymaking bodies of the world. That's hot."

'Nuff said.

OK, you know how the tagline for May Day was:

New job. Small town. Dead boyfriend. Ever have one of those months?

You don't? Well it was. Anyhow, now I need a tagline for June Bug. Mr. B. is recommending, "It says 'Last Resort' on my ass for a reason" (you might need to get a magnifying glass on her butt). Inarguably catchy, no? Any other suggestions? Seriously. I want to get some mood pens made up, and I need a tagline. Here's a summary that might be helpful:

In June Bug, the second book in the Murder by Month series, Mira dives into a secret nearly a century old. In the late 1920s, a diamond necklace lost in a nearby lake prompts the wealthy owners of an island to fire their staff and sell the property. This intrigue resurfaces when a Minneapolis newspaper creates a contest to find the necklace. The quirky characters from the first novel return as Mira contends with a traveling theater troupe, competitive resorts willing to do anything to attract business, a town eager to find the necklace, and long-buried rivalries.

And here's a link to Chapter 1. If I use your tagline on the pens, I'll send ya one! A pen! A whole pen! And maybe a Nut Goodie bar.

p.s. Last night I dreamt I was Britney Spears' nanny. I kid you not. I don't know what karma debt that was, but I can tell you I took good care of those little boys and only fed them organic food (only it was organic liver in my dream). Brit and Kevin Can'tStopSpreadingYourSeederline were making out a lot in the background. What is the meaning of this?

Loose Change 2nd Edition Recut

A student sent me this video, which makes for a fascinating discussion. Where's Mulder when you need him?

This Blog Has Been Interrupted to Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse

It's true. And I also want to report that although I'm saddened by the death of Steve Irwin, my favorite article title on the subject is, "Well, He Wasn't Called the Stingray Hunter."

I'm thinking of taking my kids to the Renaissance Festival this weekend. Can you do anything about the rain?

My hair shirt doesn't stand up to moisture so well.

Laker Girls

Last night, I met with two book clubs at the Shoreline in Battle Lake--the Clitherall Lake Book Club and the Battle Lake Book Club (the Laker Girls). It was fun! They had M & Ms and good questions, and there were no haters. I even picked up some solid gossip, like:

• Battle Lake is the only Minnesota town to birth TWO Princess Kays of the Milky Way. And one of them was at the meeting last night, cute as a freakin' button.
• I should read books by Shirley Hazzard.
• Women never forget their first loves (which means I've never had one because I don't remember him. Oooh! Or maybe it means I'm not a woman.).
• Men in Otter Tail County don't read. They CAN read, but choose not to. It's hard to juggle The Secret Life of Bees and the thirty ought the same time, so something's gotta go, and it sure ain't gonna be the gun. That's my hypothesis.

Fun stuff. I'd do it again. I also had time before the book club meeting to run up Inspiration Peak (a site featured prominently in the forthcoming Knee High by July), which is gorgeous this time of year. Make a trip there!

I was just going to sign off, but then obsessively checked my amazon.com rankings and realized that the official June Bug cover is out there! Whee! Great work, Lisa!

August May Day Winning Library (Yes, August)

Congratulations to the Glendale Public Library in Glendale, California! Thanks to the fantastic entry skills of Lyndsay McCollum, Reference Librarian, the GPL is the proud owner of a brand spankin' new copy of May Day, which is hurtling through the postal service as we speak. If you work at a library, you should enter!

Oh, and my publicist wants to turn me into a sparkling, dancing monkey to draw crowds to my future book signings. It's tempting, but I am more likely to go this route.

Last Friday, I sent off my applications to the University of Minnesota (MFA in Creative Writing and PhD in Literature) and University of Madison (PhD in Literature as their MFA in fiction is on alternating years, next year 2008). I'm also in the process of applying for a Bush Foundation Fellowship for literature. Any one of those paths will give me more time to write, which is my goal.

Mickey Spillane Moves On

I don't mean to turn this into an obitu-blog (what an idea), but did you know Mickey Spillane died? (And did or did not Stacy Keach a hairlip have?) I'm not a huge fan of the male romance novel, but I do admire Spillane for his fortitude and aphorisms, as well as the way he modified and stretched out the whole hard-boiled genre. This article does him some justice.

In happier news, Mysterical-E, an ezine with great articles and free giveaways, positively reviewed May Day ("With a cynical and sassy approach to life and murder, Mira sets out to solve the mystery of her lover's demise, and why not get a great story for her boss at the newspaper, in the bargain...[s]eries fans will find themselves looking forward to another visit with Mira and friends, like a comical and cozy sitcom.") and interviewed me (scroll down down way down).

It does seem that they're not a fan of the "crude remarks" in the first installment of the Murder by Month series, and I vacillate between telling people that June Bug is just as funny and suspensful but less pervo (I'm not defensive, you're defensive) and just standing behind my writing, which I actually happen to like. :) What hat shall I wear today?

Before I decide, let's all weigh in on the beauty that is Baby Suri. I need a body language expert to weigh in on the parental distance between TomKat and baby and tell me what it means. On the surface, I gotta say, she's pretty cute.

Stingray Kills Crocodile Hunter

A moment of silence as we mourn the passing of a crazy man. A stingray barb to the heart is how he would have wanted to go, but jeez. This is sad. I hate it when the conservatives are right. "Don't dangle your baby over a hungry crocodile, Steve." "Don't film a show called 'The Ten Most Painful Ways to Die Featuring Creatures God Intended Us Not to Swim With,' Steve." Sigh.